16 tips to support your child through a disaster

Regularly ask your child how they are feeling and keep an eye out for changes in their emotions and behaviour. Remember that frequent, shorter conversations are often better than longer one-off chats. It can be helpful to set aside a regular time to catch up with your child, particularly when experiencing a drought or in the early months following a bushfire or flood.

Some children and young people may find it difficult to express their feelings or explain their emotions in relation to the disaster. You can help by being curious about any changes you notice, encouraging them to name their experience and giving them words to help describe their feelings.

As well as talking to your child, it is important to continue to be on the lookout for changes in their emotions, behaviour, mood and sleep patterns (including the presence of nightmares). Children respond to stress in different ways. While most have a natural level of resilience, a small number will find the impacts of a disaster more difficult to deal with. If your child’s difficulties are impacting their daily life, or they appear to be very anxious or sad, it is important to seek professional advice from your GP or a health professional.

Remind your child it is normal to feel upset during and after such a big event, and that you are there for them. It is also common for children (especially older children and adolescents) to feel angry, frustrated and confused after a disaster. Normalise any feelings of distress your child is experiencing and give them the time they need to process these feelings.

At times, the impacts of the disaster may have you feeling angry, sad or overwhelmed. Be honest with your child about how you are feeling, what you are finding difficult and what is helping you to get through each day. Normalise feelings of distress, but also reassure your child that things will get easier with care, support and time. Make sure they know that none of this is their fault and that your feelings are caused by the disaster. In doing so, you will be teaching them how to manage their own emotions.

Everyone responds to distressing events differently, even children and parents in the same family. It can help to discuss what’s tough and what is helping you all to recover following the disaster. Remind your children to be kind to each other and avoid criticising how their siblings are responding to the disaster. Your children will learn from this; it shows them that it is OK to feel differently from others and recover in their own way.

Giving your child extra time and attention helps them to feel safe, but it can be difficult when families are recovering and demands on adults are high. Remember that this does not have to be elaborate or lengthy. For example, you could join them in whatever game they are playing, let them help you to cook dinner or have a cuddle on the couch while you ask about their day. The important thing is that your child feels connected to you and can see that you are making time for them.

All families argue and get frustrated with each other. If you have had a bad day, lost your temper or broken down, it is OK (and perfectly normal). Being kind to yourself and practising self-care is vital when caring for others. When things are calmer, talk to your child, apologise if necessary and reassure them that they are safe and that it is not their fault that you are upset. As adults, it is our responsibility to nurture the relationship with our children and heal it when it has been hurt.

It is not unusual for normal household routines to get put to one side during and following a disaster, particularly if you are unable to be in your home or you are housing other people.  Remember that children do best when things are predictable, clear boundaries are set and followed, and they know what to expect. You don’t need to tackle everything at once. If possible, you might want to start with reinstating a regular bedtime, returning to a favourite family ritual (e.g. movie night or reading stories together) or sitting down to dinner as a family a couple of times a week.

Self-care is not an indulgence; it’s a priority. Looking after your own physical and mental wellbeing following a disaster is an essential part of supporting your child’s recovery. If you’re feeling exhausted, overwhelmed or very anxious, it is vital you seek extra support.

If you are concerned about your child’s mental health or recovery, ask trusted friends and family to help by giving your child extra time and attention. People often want to help but do not want to intrude. Children benefit from close personal attention, particularly one-on-one interactions. This can also reduce some of the pressure on you as a parent.

It is normal for children to feel unsure about being away from you when experiencing a drought or after another weather-related disaster. They may be worried about what to say if friends ask them about what happened or how to let their friend’s parent know that they want to leave. Together with your child, role play ways to answer questions or ask for assistance that help them to feel OK and safe. Let your child know that you want them to spend time with their friends.

A child’s school or Early Learning Service (ELS) can offer a sense of safety and normalcy after a disaster – even if the school or ELS looks different or has moved to a temporary location. Seeing their friends and engaging in the routines provided by school or ELS can be very helpful for your child’s recovery. These settings can also give children other activities to focus on and engage in, which can help to distract them from thinking about the disaster.

Some children may find it difficult to manage their emotions, concentrate on learning and be away from their family following the event. It is important to keep the lines of communication open so you can get a full picture of how they are recovering.

Children need time to play. This can help children to make sense of adversity and trauma, explore their feelings and vulnerabilities, and work through their fears. Play also helps them to learn important skills for their development, including social and emotional skills.

It can really help to encourage your child to engage in their normal activities (where possible), particularly those with strong community ties like sport or music. Making time for family rituals and activities that you used to enjoy doing together can be helpful for everyone’s recovery.

As time goes on, support your child to reflect on what has changed since the disaster. While you do not have to pretend that difficulties do not exist, pay particular attention to any unexpected positives that have occurred (e.g. how people have come together to help with the recovery efforts). By focusing on any new skills or achievements, you will help your child to feel more hopeful and in control.

We are all good at something and we all enjoy particular things. Encouraging your child (and yourself) to do things that bring them joy and a sense of accomplishment, and to plan things to look forward to, can really help with their mental health and recovery.

With care and support, most children will recover from experiencing a disaster. Seek professional help if your child appears to be very sad or anxious, or if their difficulties are impacting their daily life, particularly when 1–2 months have passed since the disaster. Remember that all children cope differently with trauma, for a wide range of reasons. There is a real strength in knowing that you or your child need extra support.