In focus: Talking with parents about their children

When a parent is doing it tough, the last thing a practitioner wants is to make them feel worse. Adults who face adversities such as family and domestic violence, substance use issues or mental illness, often present with a history of being harshly judged. The desire to avoid replicating judgement can make practitioners feel reluctant to ask questions about parenting status, or the parent–child relationship. But, as well-meaning as it may be, what is the cost of this reluctance? If we never ask the parent about their child, what opportunities might the child miss out on? And conversely, what can we achieve by taking a curious stance? Can we make a difference by sensitively and proactively talking with parents about their children and their parenting role?

This ‘in focus’ article addresses these very questions and has been developed to support adult-focused practitioners in their conversations with parents. It introduces the PERCS Conversation Guide – a simple tool that looks at on five key areas in a child’s life:

• Parent–child relationship
• Emotions and behaviours
• Routines
• Communication and meaning-making
• Support networks.

The PERCS Conversation Guide helps practitioners to promote the visibility of the child in sessions, by focusing on what they are seeing, feeling and thinking in response to the parent’s experience of adversity.