Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander dads matter

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Dads play an important role in parenting. This traditional role includes teaching responsibilities, caring for Country, cultural knowledge and Lore. This is on top of the modern-day responsibilities of being an emotionally supportive partner, nurturing and providing for family.

For many Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander men, their role as parents and caregivers has been changed through colonisation.

Dads may wish to reach out for support to understand their new role in the family as they think about how to best support their partner and baby.

You might like to check out some guidance from Aboriginal dads in the video Rebuilding our shields: Sharing the stories of deadly dads.

Non-Indigenous parents

This guide is also for you if are a non-Indigenous dad with an Aboriginal and/or Torres Strait Islander child. As a non-Indigenous dad, you can’t teach Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander culture, but you can still support it and help your child feel proud.

Many non-Indigenous dads with Aboriginal and/or Torres Strait Islander partners get to enjoy learning about culture with their child. They can play an important role by reaching out to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people in their partner’s family and Community to help their child learn about their culture.

They can also encourage their kids to yarn with their Aboriginal and/or Torres Strait Islander aunties, uncles and Elders to strengthen their identity.

And as a child’s identity comes from both parents, they can teach their about child the identify of their non-Indigenous family as well.

Pregnancy to birth

Culture starts being built in our babies in the womb. It is the time when the foundations for a strong mind, strong body, wellbeing and spiritual connections to Country and family begin.

Supporting mum

As a dad, you have a role in supporting mum when she is pregnant. Sometimes just being there is what is needed. You don’t always need to talk, but listening is important. It’s helpful for mum to tune into what the baby and their body needs, and it helps the growing baby if mum isn’t too stressed.

If possible, being on Country together and connecting before bub is born is a good idea. Time goes quickly during pregnancy and once baby is born, it will be ‘all hands on deck’! And if you live off Country and can’t visit, you can still talk about it, describe it or watch videos or listen to podcasts that come from traditional countrymen.

Making time to talk to Country, the Ancestors and with each other about how you and mum want to parent together is a great way to feel empowered and send good messages to bub. Did you know that babies start to recognise voices while in the womb?

Talk about culture and love for your partner and baby. It helps everyone grow together, and stay grounded and connected.

Some other practical ways to support mum during pregnancy is by helping with doctors or other appointments. This can include:

• Getting there – help mum make appointments, avoid missing any appointments and get to them on time.
• Feeling comfortable – you have a right and responsibility to be at appointments and hear first hand how the pregnancy is going. Talk about it – have a yarn about what comes up in the appointments and try to ask about anything you didn’t understand
• Sharing the load – checking in with mum by asking: ‘What can I do to support you?’
• Getting ready – ask what to expect during labor and birth, and what dads can do to be supportive.
• Backing each other up – if appointments make you feel uneasy, or something is said that upsets you both, respectfully speak up. You are there to support your partner, bub and to be a good dad and that’s a good thing.

Providing for family

Dads can provide for mum and bub in lots of ways. It might be hunting, fishing, preparing food and cleaning up afterwards.

But most important is that dads can provide love, nurturing and emotional support to their family. It doesn’t cost money, it’s available 24/7 and everyone is a winner when dads give care.

Being a strong Aboriginal man involves love: for mother, Country, Elders, family, children and kin.

Talking, singing and reading to baby in the womb

Dads can talk, sing songs and read books to bub in the womb. If you know your traditional language, you can talk to them in lingo. Talking to bub through mum’s belly is a great way to share traditional stories. If you know how to play the Yidaki (Didgeridoo) you can play that for bub too. Singing songs or just talking is enough – as long as your baby hears your voice, and your partner experiences you showing care.

This is a time for preparation

Pregnancy is a good time to start learning how to be a good dad. You can learn what babies need by talking to Elders, uncles, aunties, community workers, men’s groups and Aboriginal health services.

You are not expected to know everything and no one is perfect. There is no ‘one size fits all’. Be open-minded, learn new ways and find what works for you and your family.

Learning about culture so you can share it with your kids

Don’t be afraid to ask family, friends or Community members to find out more about your culture and obligations as a man, father and partner. Learning about culture is a lifelong process as it has always been in traditional Lore.

As you learn, you may change and grow. You might:

• understand family and connections differently
• connect with Country and with other Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people
• learn about and undertake cultural obligations to family and Community.

Your connection to your baby can also grow by sharing your cultural knowledge with them once they are born.

More information

• Baby Coming You Ready? has information for dads
• SMS4DeadlyDads sends short texts with info for dads

Birth to 1 year old

Staying strong to keep mum and kids safe

Dads can protect mum and baby. But sometimes we need to reach out to our supports to help us stay strong.

If you are feeling worried or no good, you can call 13YARN on 13 92 76 to talk confidentially to another Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander person. It will be a culturally safe conversation with no judgement.

Understanding identity

Dads can help children know who they are and where they come from. Telling children who their mob is and how they are connected to community is important.

More information

• SMS4DeadlyDads sends short texts with info for dads.
• The booklet Koori parenting, what works for us shares ideas from Aboriginal parents with childhood trauma on what helped them break cycles of intergenerational trauma.

1 to 3 years old

As Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander children learn to communicate with family members, Community and other children in their early years, and it’s during this stage that their brains develop faster than at any other time in their lives.²

Pride in culture

Dads can encourage children at this age to be proud of their identity and culture. If you can support them to embrace their identity now, there will be no stopping them!

Things like reading them an Aboriginal children’s book, sharing your knowledge about Country and culture and attending Community events with other Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander families. Even painting up for special events like NAIDOC start to build a sense of identity. And if you know any traditional language, you can teach it to your kids.

Connecting to Country

Dads can take their toddler to lots of places to connect to Country. You can take them on outings to special places, or just stop, watch and listen to nature wherever you may be.

Kids love to connect to their senses – giving them time and space to be in nature helps them start to connect to Country and may even calm them if feeling tired or cranky. Some ideas for connecting you could do with your toddler include:

• Water: Sitting on the riverbank, creek or beach and listening to the waves or watch the water flow by
• Earth: Feeling the dirt, sand or grass between your toes
• Fire: Safely watching a campfire or having a smoking ceremony or cleansing
• Plants: Touching the trunk of a tree, running your hands through soft grass or picking berries, fruit or cones
• Animals: Watching how birds, insects or bigger animals move, and dancing or moving like these animals

Learning about their culture and connecting to Country is good for children. It also helps make sure Country will be cared for in the future. This is part of traditional custodianship. So is holding care, knowledge and connection for our children.

More information

• In the following video, Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander parents and carers talk about singing, playing games, reading books and drawing with their children (ages 0–8 years).

3 to 5 years old

Relationships and connections with family and kin let children know that they are loved and their world is safe. At this age the foundations for learning, healthy habits and behaviours are set up.²

Nature play

Dads can support nature and sensory play with their kids. This is good for children, and good for the relationships between parent and child and Country.

Teaching values

Dads can pass on important cultural values to children. This can include yarns about roles and responsibilities, such as respect for Elders and caring for country. Children might be interested in languages, what place names mean and personal or family stories such as ‘when I was a kid …’

Dads being there for kids

At ages 3 to 5 years, kids will be starting preschool or kindy soon. Dads can help teachers encourage their child’s identity by telling them it is important and sharing some cultural knowledge.

You can show an interest in what your kids are learning, and help them with counting and reading. And you can let them know you are always there for them.

Make time to talk about how life is going. Eating food together at least once a day is good for kids. Making time to sit and yarn together at breakfast or dinnertime is an easy way to switch off distractions and tune in together as a family.

Cultural events

Dads can take children to local cultural events. It can help the whole family connect and feel a sense of belonging.

If living off country, trying to connect with local mob is important. While this isn’t always possible, showing up to local community events or school cultural days is a good way to meet the local mob. Once you child is at school, arrange a yarn with any Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander teachers or support staff. Get to know other members of the community in sporting events, arts exhibitions or other public gatherings. It’s often the informal yarns you have with mob that create the best opportunity to share culture and the benefits of community with your child.

Going to local NAIDOC week and other Community events that celebrate culture is a great way for your kids to meet other local kids. Take along a picnic blanket and a feed and join in as much as you can. Even going to the local park for kids to play on the swings or ride scooters or bikes can be a great way to meet other young families.

Ideas for cooking

• You might like to search for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander recipes online. Or search for a recipe that includes bush foods, like wattle seed or lemon myrtle.
• Check out SBS NITV for some good cooking shows.
• Deadly Tucker cookbooks have some recipes
• The Living Strong: Healthy Lifestyle Cookbook has healthy recipes including some traditional cooking ideas.
• The WellMob website has resources on eating well and bush tucker.