Looking after your mental health during disaster: A guide for parents

Lots of parents put themselves second and think that they will be OK. Research has shown that a parent’s wellbeing is the strongest indicator for children recovering well from trauma. You are the most important person in your child’s recovery. It is really important that you get the help and support you need, as this will help you support your child.

As you navigate your own emotions and experiences following a disaster, it’s important to be aware of how this is perceived by your children. We know that children pick up on their parents’ emotions, even when they’re not spoken about. Common things children might notice is a change in your tone of voice or facial expressions when you’re anxious or angry, and changes in your behaviour.

By taking time to focus on your own wellbeing, you will create a supportive environment for your family and provide space to make choices which help your child’s wellbeing following the disaster. These might include moving away from your child when talking about finances or finding age-appropriate ways of sharing your emotions.

Ways you can look after your mental health during a disaster

• Acknowledging your feelings. Recognising and labelling your emotions can help them to feel less overwhelming. This is also a great example to set for your children. When you notice something coming up, you could say something like, ‘I’m feeling a bit angry right now, so I’m going to go for a walk to help me calm down.’ These conversations can help children to develop their own strategies for managing difficult emotions.
• Talking to someone you trust. While it’s important to set a positive example for your children, it’s impossible to remain strong all the time. Your best intentions can easily fall away during times of prolonged stress, so you may need the support of a trusted friend, family member or health professional. The more you can open up and talk with others, the more difficult emotions will (slowly but surely) fade, leaving room for a more flexible approach to dealing with stress and uncertainty.
• Talking kindly to yourself. If you find things aren’t going to plan, show yourself compassion. Think about how you might talk to a friend or a loved one in the same situation. Chances are the things you’d say to them are a lot kinder than what you might say to yourself! Look out for any critical thoughts or ‘thinking errors’, such as:
  • catastrophising: believing something is or will be much worse than it actually is
  • fortune-telling: believing you can predict what’s going to happen in the future.

Replace these with compassionate thoughts such as ‘this will take time’ or ‘I’ve tried this before and it helped; we can try again tomorrow’.

• Making time to do the things you enjoy. Even just taking a few minutes to listen to a song that always makes you feel better, or 10 minutes to call someone you love, can make a difference. Doing activities you enjoy can lower your stress levels, boost your mood and help you to feel calmer and more capable of supporting the people around you.
• Trying to stick to a daily routine. Predictable routines provide a sense of stability for both children and adults during times of stress. Keeping daily life as ‘normal’ as possible can help everyone in the family to feel more in control, which can in turn help counteract any feelings of overwhelm. This might be as simple as having meals at the same time every day and sticking to bedtimes.
• Practising coping strategies. Using certain coping strategies can be ideal for managing emotions and reducing stress. Once physical safety is restored, model these coping strategies yourself and encourage your child to try them whenever they’re feeling sad, scared, anxious or overwhelmed too. Examples include:
  • Deep breathing exercises such as ‘box breathing’ (breathe in for the count of five, hold for five, breathe out for five, and hold for another five).
  • Mindfulness techniques such as the five senses grounding activity or progressive muscle relaxation.

Remember, no-one’s expecting you to be perfect at a time like this, either. You’ve been through a lot, and it’s understandable if your own emotions are making it hard to determine how much you and your child have been affected by the disaster.

More tips

• Managing children’s immediate reactions to disaster
• What to tell your children when you are a disaster first responder
• Protecting your child’s mental health during disaster
• Providing your child with emotional support during disasters