Transcript for
Finding connection in a community choir
Narrator (00:02):
Welcome to the Emerging Minds Families podcast.
Nadia Rossi (Host) (00:05):
Hi, I’m Nadia Rossi and you are listening to an Emerging Minds Families podcast. We would like to pay respect to the traditional custodians of the land on which this podcast is recorded, the Kaurna people of the Adelaide Plains. We also pay respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples, their ancestors, and elders past, present, and emerging from the different First Nations across Australia.
(00:28):
In this episode, we touch on themes of domestic and family violence. If you feel this may be difficult for you to listen to, perhaps give this week a miss and catch up next fortnight or more resources for support can be found in our show notes. When you fall on tough times, the weight of life’s challenges can make it difficult for us to connect with others. It can feel like we’re trapped and isolated and it can be difficult to reach out for fear of being judged even when we find ourselves ready to make those connections. But it is precisely in these moments when connection with people around us is so important.
(01:02):
In this episode, we are talking with Tegan and Shelly from the Finding Your Voice choir, a woman’s community choir comprised of members with lived experience of family or domestic violence. They are here to talk about how the choir supports and empowers its members and helps form lifelong connections. Welcome, Tegan and Shelly. It’s wonderful to have you both with us today.
Shelly (Guest) (01:24):
Thank you. Nice to be here.
Tegan (Guest) (01:25):
Glad to be here.
Nadia Rossi (Host) (01:26):
Shelly, I wondered if you could start by telling us a bit about the Finding Your Voice choir, how it came about, and your role there.
Shelly (Guest) (01:34):
Absolutely. Thank you, Nadia. The choir started about two years ago and it was initially formed as a program set up by Junction with funding that was received from the Alcohol and Drug Foundation. It was meant to be a 20-week program for women to connect and to do some singing and have some fun. From them, we just found it was just such a powerful program that the program then became a community group self-led by the community. And we just grew and grew from there, because the connections were just so amazing. The results and the impact that we saw for the women was just really, really important, so it is still going.
Nadia Rossi (Host) (02:14):
And your role within the choir?
Shelly (Guest) (02:16):
Yeah. My role within the choir has always been the choir lead. I do come from a performance and musical background. Initially, I was employed to be the facilitator of the choir and, yeah, I just continued on. The women liked to say I’m the choir lead, but I don’t like to think of it that way. I’m just a choir member, the one that has to stand out the front and say, “Let’s sing.”
Nadia Rossi (Host) (02:34):
Great. And how have you found what the response has been like for people wanting to join the choir?
Shelly (Guest) (02:41):
It’s been consistent the whole two years. We always have women who might come to and see us at a performance and they will come up to me afterwards and say, “Oh, my gosh. This is exactly what I need. Can I please, please join?” Or they’ve heard about us through other organisations and, once again, they’re welcome to contact me and have a chat about their situation and what the choir’s about. We do have a little bit of a intake process for women, because it’s all about making sure there’s a safety, psychological, and physical safety of all of the members. For me, it’s really important to make sure that women coming into the choir are actually ready. They’re in a stage of recovery and there’s a few little boundaries and things that we talk about so that everybody can enjoy the process and remain safe in that space.
Nadia Rossi (Host) (03:27):
Yeah, it’s really about creating a safe space for everyone.
Shelly (Guest) (03:30):
Absolutely.
Nadia Rossi (Host) (03:31):
Amazing. And Tegan, could you tell us a little bit about yourself and how you came to join the choir?
Tegan (Guest) (03:36):
Well, I’m a single mom of three boys. My oldest is 22 and my youngest just turned 7 two days ago. I participated in quite a few programs, community center Junction. Two wonderful ladies came up with the idea and that had been extremely supportive to my family, asked me to join, and I said I was reluctant quite a bit at first.
Nadia Rossi (Host) (04:05):
What made you, I guess, join in the end or keep going?
Tegan (Guest) (04:09):
Well, I said, “No,” and then I just thought, “I’ve got to give it a go. Give everything a go.” And it’s been the best program or group I’ve been a part of.
Nadia Rossi (Host) (04:23):
Is it something that you would’ve ever imagined yourself doing before?
Tegan (Guest) (04:28):
No, no way. I’ve always been quite quiet and reserved and not assertive enough. When I joined, I actually didn’t sing for weeks and weeks. I just mimed.
Shelly (Guest) (04:40):
I didn’t know that.
Tegan (Guest) (04:42):
And there’s this wonderful lady next to me and she said, “Just enjoy it. Just sing. It doesn’t matter what you feel you sound like. Just have fun.” And I’m really thankful for her, because now I can’t stop me being quiet and it really empowered me and made me feel really good.
Nadia Rossi (Host) (05:01):
I guess just being able to stand among women in a similar situation to yourself or in that, like you said, Shelly, that safe environment and not even feeling like you have to sing, but…
Tegan (Guest) (05:10):
I found my voice. That was for sure.
Nadia Rossi (Host) (05:12):
What has being a part of the choir been like for both of you?
Shelly (Guest) (05:16):
Well, for me it’s probably been one of the most rewarding things that I’ve ever done in my career. And I have done a lot of things in a musical space, but actually being able to support and just see this group of women come together and blossom and create a sisterhood and feel so safe and connected has just been one of the best things I’ve ever done. It’s really, really important that we really maintain that safety. But also right from the very beginning for me, it was really important for the women to know that it wasn’t a choir about you have to be a good singer. It wasn’t about learning to sing really well. It was just about learning to have some fun and to find some confidence and to just let go and enjoy something for what it is, regardless of your skills and what was going on in life. Having those two hours to just come together and go. You know what? I’m in my bathroom, in my shower, just having a sing.
Nadia Rossi (Host) (06:14):
Really just empowering everyone around you and yourselves.
Shelly (Guest) (06:17):
Absolutely. I think Tegan’s example that she just said was just the best example of that empowerment. I didn’t even know that she was miming for the first few weeks and it didn’t matter anyway. That’s what it’s about. There’s been weeks where there are some participants who come along and they’re just not in a good space and so they just want to sit and listen and that’s fine, too. But they’re there, they’re still there, they’re showing up for those other women, and then those other women are just becoming that beautiful support system for each other, which is amazing.
Nadia Rossi (Host) (06:45):
And just building those connections and knowing you can just be there.
Tegan (Guest) (06:48):
It’s wonderful. We have an unspoken bond and it’s a great feeling of support.
Nadia Rossi (Host) (06:54):
And for you, Tegan, as well.
Tegan (Guest) (06:56):
Yeah, it’s great.
Nadia Rossi (Host) (06:57):
Tegan, what do you think the benefits have been for yourself and the other members of the choir?
Tegan (Guest) (07:02):
Well, I know the benefits for me and I’m quite sure for all the choir members have been amazing. I feel empowered. I have more confidence. My mental health, it feels resolved, more positive with myself and my family. And we have all been through some extremely difficult and tough times in the past. Oh, we are still recovering and surviving and I feel that everyone just gets it and supports you without talking about it. I feel that I can process my emotions safely there. Sometimes, a song will make me cry and sometimes it’ll make me laugh and everyone’s just got their arms around you. It’s great.
Nadia Rossi (Host) (07:48):
And did you ever think… I guess, when those two women approached you to be a part of the choir, did you ever think… And you were a bit hesitant. Did you ever think that joining a choir like this would have made such a difference in your life?
Tegan (Guest) (08:00):
No, and I’ve been through a lot of groups and a lot of sessions and tried a lot of different mindfulness strategies and this has honestly been quite amazing for me.
Shelly (Guest) (08:13):
I think it’s really important to note as well, like Tegan said, all of the women have their own experiences and we don’t need to talk about those experiences. It’s not a support group for that. The support is just this beautiful underlying foundation and that includes me. Coming into this as the lead and the facilitator, I’ve come from my own lived experience as well, so we do all get it. And when someone turns up and they’re not having a good day, we all get it and we just all know how to deal with that. It is a safe space for… Yeah, a song will trigger an emotion and sometimes, quite surprisingly, it might be a really beautiful happy song that we’re singing. At the moment, we’re doing some Christmas carols and there was a Christmas carol last week that someone just… For some reason, the emotions just came out but we embrace that in each other and it’s like, “Yes, this is your opportunity to actually just let those emotions flow,” and that goes for me as well. It happens quite often.
Tegan (Guest) (09:08):
And you can share if you want to as well. We all know that we were safe to share there and hug and cry and it’s great.
Nadia Rossi (Host) (09:16):
Great. It seems like such an important through line and everything you’re saying is the safety of the people and the environment kind of seems like the forefront of it. You mentioned you have children, Tegan, and what do you think the benefit that they have maybe felt from you being a part of this choir? Do you think anything has fed back through them or your experiences?
Tegan (Guest) (09:38):
Yes. Well, definitely because they’ve got a happier, more positive mom, and that makes for a happier family. After choir Fridays, I’m always ready for the next week or feeling better about the week that has been, no matter how difficult or how many complexities has been happening that week. It’s really shine through to my children and my family. We practice the choir songs at home and dance in the kitchen.
Nadia Rossi (Host) (10:07):
And yourself, Shelly, I know you have children as well. Coaching the choir, has that kind of fed into family life?
Shelly (Guest) (10:13):
Well, absolutely it has. It’s been really quite interesting because I have older children who are in their 20s who actually went through my traumatic experience with me and then I have a younger child. So, I’m getting that dimension from both where my older children are just saying, “We’re so proud of your mom for being able to actually stand up and use your experience in a positive way to help others and to help process your own feelings.” And then same as Tegan for my young one, I still have days when life is not that great, but doing things like the choir makes me be connected with those women as well, which the same effect as Tegan. I go home thinking, “This has just been absolutely fabulous.” It’s fed my soul as well. That makes me a better mom. That makes me more optimistic, and it also helps me to raise my child the way in a real positive way and a really resilient way as well. If she sees my resilience, she’s picking up on that, too.
Nadia Rossi (Host) (11:09):
Shelly, I’m wondering how you go about making the members of the choir… I guess, how you support them to really make the choir feel like it’s their own.
Shelly (Guest) (11:18):
Well, it’s exactly that. We work as a group. There’s no decisions that are made by one single person. Everything goes back to the group. We have group chats and things so that people can make sure that they communicate with each other all the time. There’s some decisions that need to be made and some of them aren’t the easiest decisions to make for the group, but we always throw it out there and go, “How does everyone feel about this? What’s the thoughts? What’s the good and the bad out of this?” And at the forefront of that, I always, always try and make sure that I say, “Look, I’m coming from a space of trying to keep everybody safe and feeling really positive about the choir. So if a difficult decision needs to be made, here’s the reasons why. Can we all process that? Can we all understand that?” And we all coming to the same decision. And then I think that’s really, really important. It’s never ever been one person’s choir. It’s never been my choir. It is our choir and we all own it as much as each other.
Nadia Rossi (Host) (12:14):
And do you feel that, Tegan, that it’s your choir, all of yours?
Tegan (Guest) (12:18):
Yeah, all of ours. We’ve got some girls that have helped with their creative skills on our T-shirts and people give song ideas and everyone puts in their input and opinions. We’ve even worked out our differences in personality, which is great. Some people might be more outspoken than others, but we all really support each other. If there’s a wobbly issue or someone wants this song and not that song, but we can all talk about it and it’s all good, so it’s great.
Shelly (Guest) (12:51):
I love that. I love that wobbly issue.
Tegan (Guest) (12:54):
Yeah.
Shelly (Guest) (12:54):
We’re going to use that. I think, too, it’s really important to note, and I hope that Tegan agrees with this, that there’s always been that expectation of no expectation. The women can put in what they can and there’s no, “This person is doing more than that person, so they’re more important.” We have some members that just come on a Friday. They sing and they go home and they go back to their life and that is perfectly fine. There’s others that are doing stuff for the choir every day because that’s what they feel they can give and that’s perfectly fine as well.
Tegan (Guest) (13:27):
Yeah, you do what you can. I’m quite busy. One of my sons has significant needs, so he’s not really in school and lots of appointments and therapy and it’s great. It’s a great feeling that if I miss a practice or three practices or a performance, I’m going to be supported regardless.
Shelly (Guest) (13:49):
Yeah. We just miss you.
Nadia Rossi (Host) (13:51):
Shelly, I’m wondering if anyone listening today is thinking maybe they could create their own community choir. What advice would you both have for that?
Shelly (Guest) (14:01):
I would say do it, but I would say to think about the structure behind it and what is the foundation that you want to create. You really need to think about what is the basis of it, what is the purpose of the choir, and maybe just spend some time coming up with a bit of a structure for how the sessions are going to run. We started off very structured for that first six months because it was a program and it was very much, “Here’s the entry for the first 10 minutes. This is what we’re going to do, then we’re going to sing, then we’re going to have morning tea,” so that there was that connection.
(14:31):
There was always a reason why we structured the sessions as we did. They’ve become a lot more open now and less structured, but there is still that sort of… I’m always thinking, “Well, we need to make sure that we are there to sing.” Sometimes we can get involved in conversations and whatever and it’s like, “No, actually let’s get onto a song now and make sure that everybody’s walking away at the end of the session feeling quite uplifted because they’ve been able to do some singing.” And connect with each other through that rather than just losing that purpose, so making sure that you have that purpose and you hold that purpose.
Nadia Rossi (Host) (15:08):
And do you think logistically it’s worth talking to with local council or something to get a space?
Shelly (Guest) (15:14):
Yeah. And this has been a challenge for us this year, but we’ve finally found ourselves a more permanent space. But absolutely get involved with your council, let them know what you are doing. Go and perform for them so that they can actually see the importance of it. And I think that’s been the real glue for us is that we have been very, very lucky to perform at some quite high profile events with politicians and councils. We are very much embraced in the South by all those organisations and council and local government. They can see the importance of it, so they’re always there to help us if we reach out. It may not be that they can give us the help that we need, but they’ll always be aware that we need help, and so they’ll be like, “Look, I can’t do that for you, but here’s a contact so that you can continue going,” because we do know that they would be absolutely devastated if we didn’t continue.
Nadia Rossi (Host) (16:08):
Tegan, I wanted to take you back to when you first joined the choir and ask for anyone listening today who may be going through difficult times and couldn’t imagine themselves being a part of a group like this. What advice would you have for them?
Tegan (Guest) (16:22):
Well, I was that person and I would just say, please give it a go and put flyers up or ask friends to sing with you. Ask your community group, start a Facebook group. If you’re really isolated, just sing at home, put some music on and sing at home, because the benefits for me have been quite powerful and it’s a really positive thing to do. Definitely give it a go.
Nadia Rossi (Host) (16:45):
And Shelly, would you have similar advice?
Shelly (Guest) (16:47):
Yeah, definitely. Yes, absolutely. And we know how hard it is to just go out and join something and give it a go. That takes a lot of courage and it takes a lot of strength. So perhaps looking around at what’s available and really investigating what’s the best choice of programs that are out there for them and their situation and where they will feel safe and comfortable. That may not be in a musical setting, it may be in a different creative setting, and that’s fantastic. But definitely you need to just find something that you can connect with because the healing power of that is incredible.
Tegan (Guest) (17:23):
Yeah. Just try because I was really nervous when I first walked in and I’m so glad that I reluctantly agreed to go along and mime for a couple of weeks.
Nadia Rossi (Host) (17:37):
I love that. That’s so excellent. I just wanted to thank you guys so much for coming in and talking to us today. I think it’s such a pleasure hearing about the choir and how you empower each other and the connections that you form within the choir and outside of the choir and the effects that it’s had on your lives and everyone that seems to be involved with it. Thank you so much.
Tegan (Guest) (17:58):
Thank you.
Shelly (Guest) (17:59):
Yeah, thank you as well. It’s been fantastic to be able to talk about it, so thank you for the opportunity.
Nadia Rossi (Host) (18:05):
And to finish, we have the privilege of sharing with our listeners an original composition from the Finding Your Voice choir called Light of a Woman.
Women’s choir (Singing) (18:19):
She is a baby with ribbons of blue.
She is a girl with the world in her eyes and nothing to prove.
She is the dreamer of things we can’t see.
The light of the future yet to be held by the woman to be.
Oh, I’ll light a candle for you.
You light a candle my candle for me.
We’ll walk hand in hand, leaving tracks in the sand.
For the women that we used to be.
Oh, now we hold this candle for you.
And it burns for the women to be.
Planting acres of flowers in unspoken hours.
On the grace of the ones we set free.
It’s the flame of the woman to be.
The light of a woman like me.
She is a mother with light in her hands.
She is the woman with more on her shoulders and she understands.
She is the giver of things we all need.
The keeper of life for the ones in the darkness, a woman like me.
Oh, I’ll light a candle for you.
You light a candle for me.
We’ll walk hand in hand, leaving tracks in the sand.
For the women that we used to be.
Oh, now we hold this candle for you.
And it burns for the women to be.
Planting acres of flowers in unspoken hours.
On the grace of the ones we set free.
It’s the flame of a woman like me.
It’s the light of a woman like me.
She is a story with pain in her stride.
She is a woman who fought for our freedom and fell to the fight.
She is a keeper of all we can be.
The light in the candle that burns in our heart, she’s finally free.
Oh, I’ll light a candle for you.
You light a candle for me.
And we’ll walk hand in hand, leaving tracks in the sand.
For the women that we used to be.
Oh, now we hold this candle for you.
So it burns for the women to be.
Planting acres of flowers in unspoken hours.
On the grace of the ones we set free.
It’s the flame of a woman set free.
The light of a woman like me.
It’s the flame of a woman like me.
It’s the light of a woman like me.
Share the light for a woman like me.
Nadia Rossi (Host) (22:17):
And thank you to our listeners for joining us. If you would like to keep up to date with our latest conversations, we’d love it if you’d like and subscribe to our Emerging Minds Families podcast channel. You can also find us on Instagram, @emergingmindsau, or on Facebook at Emerging Minds Families. You have been listening to an Emerging Minds Families podcast. If anything spoken about in today’s podcast has been distressing for you or you find yourself struggling, please reach out for help. You can call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or for more resources for support can be found in our show notes.
Narrator (22:54):
Visit our website at www.emergingminds.com.au/families for a wide range of free information and resources to help support child and family mental health. Emerging Minds leads the National Workforce Centre for Child Mental Health. The Centre is funded by the Australian Government Department of Health under the National Support for Child and Youth Mental Health Program.