Transcript for
My journey as a transgender parent

Narrator (00:02): 

Welcome to the Emerging Minds Families Podcast. 

Nadia Rossi (Host) (00:06): 

Hi, I’m Nadia Rossi and you’re listening to an Emerging Minds Families podcast. We would like to pay respect to the traditional custodians of the land on which this podcast is recorded, the Kaurna people of the Adelaide Plains. We also pay respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples, their ancestors and elders past, present, and emerging from the different First Nations across Australia. In today’s episode, we are speaking to Jason, who is here to talk to us about his journey as a transgender parent. Welcome, Jason. It is great to speak with you today. 

Jason Tyndale (Guest) (00:42): 

Morning, Nadia. It’s great to be here. 

Nadia Rossi (Host) (00:44): 

Jason, at Emerging Minds, we acknowledge that families come in many different forms, and so I was wondering if you could share with us a bit about who makes up your family. 

Jason Tyndale (Guest) (00:56): 

So there’s myself and my wife, and we have four children. I have Joshua, Nathaniel, and Georgia, and Zach who are our twins. 

Nadia Rossi (Host) (01:03): 

Thank you for sharing that with us. Jason, for anyone listening at home who might not be familiar with the language around transgender and transgender people, could you explain what it means to be transgender? 

Jason Tyndale (Guest) (01:15): 

Sure. So basically a trans person is someone who identifies as a different gender to the one that they were born as. And I was born female, but I identify as male. I knew pretty much when I was young that I wasn’t comfortable being in the body that I was in. So basically I knew then that there wasn’t a lot of information about what that means. So being transgender is different to sexuality as well. So sexuality is a completely different thing. So I identify as a straight male. So other transgender people may identify as non-binary or as from male to female, so they might go as a female in that situation. 

Nadia Rossi (Host) (01:57): 

So we separate the sexuality from the gender. 

Jason Tyndale (Guest) (02:00): 

Absolutely. Two completely different things. 

Nadia Rossi (Host) (02:02): 

Thank you for sharing that and clarifying that. As you mentioned, you do have a wonderful family, and I was wondering about your transition and if you’re comfortable talking about whether you transitioned prior to starting a family or whether it was something that happened after, and I guess how that moment in time impacted your family and your family life, and if you could share with us that story. 

Jason Tyndale (Guest) (02:26): 

Sure. So I’d already been in a relationship, and so I had a son from that relationship who I gave birth to. That relationship ended, and so I already had my own little tiny little family there. And then I met my partner to be, and it was a pretty tough time coming out to my mum, and my father had passed away about a year before I came out to mum. I wanted to give her some time to grieve. I didn’t want to drop a big bombshell on her so soon after dad’s passing. So it was really difficult. I got a whole pile of information sheets and I did all the research and everything I could, and I wrote her a three-page letter and the first thing was said, “Before you say anything, please read this whole letter.” 

(03:11): 

And she pretty much got to please don’t say anything before she just exploded and had them out there. So that was really hard. But my partner and I and my son, we had our own little family then. And then when we moved and got our own home, my partner and I decided to go through IVF and we had our son Nathaniel. And then when we moved to Tasmania, we had our IVF samples sent down and we had Zachary and Georgia. 

Nadia Rossi (Host) (03:41): 

Amazing. 

Jason Tyndale (Guest) (03:41): 

So it’s a big journey. 

Nadia Rossi (Host) (03:44): 

I was going to say, it sounds like you navigated through a lot, especially when you were thinking of your parents, how you thought a lot about everyone else almost. 

Jason Tyndale (Guest) (03:53): 

Absolutely. I was really thinking about not wanting to upset people. I did find that it was quite difficult because I lost a lot of friends who obviously in hindsight weren’t that great of friends if they couldn’t accept me as I am, but I had a lot of support from my sister and she’s one of my best advocates. 

Nadia Rossi (Host) (04:14): 

That’s amazing to have someone in your corner that you can lean on like that because I can imagine there must have been a grieving process as well, losing those friends or people that you thought were close friends and how that impacts your journey as well. 

Jason Tyndale (Guest) (04:27): 

Absolutely, and even now I’ve got friends that will probably hear this podcast and go, and I’ll be like, “Surprise.” And how they deal with it is how they deal with it, and I’ve just got to basically live with that. I have lost friends recently because they were posting anti-trans memes. And I just thought, “Well, they know that I’m trans and they choose to post those things, so it’s better for my mental health to cut ties with that person and just get on with my life because I don’t have time for that sort of thing.” 

Nadia Rossi (Host) (05:02): 

And as you said, just surround yourself with people that support you, like your sister and your family and children and your partner and build that family. 

Jason Tyndale (Guest) (05:12): 

It’s like a little community and it’s really nice because I can fly under the radar and no one can just look at me and go, “Oh, that person’s trans. They can’t.” Which is really good, but it’s just nice to have people in your corner to support you, as you said, and just have people to accept you for who you are. It doesn’t matter what your gender or sexuality is, it’s you as a person and how you hold yourself and how you conduct yourself is the most important thing. 

Nadia Rossi (Host) (05:35): 

I was wondering if we could talk about you as a parent and your parenting journey and what would you want people to know about being a transgender parent? 

Jason Tyndale (Guest) (05:45): 

It’s no different, I guess from being a general parent. You still have the parent title. We’ve all had the invisible parent transparent jokes and all that, but it’s like, “Well, I’m still a parent. I get along. I do my job as dad.” My kids have always said dad, have always accepted me as dad. And that’s important because that’s a role that I play in the family. That’s what I’m used to doing. And I think probably as a parent like with my daughter, I’ve been on that side of the track, if you know what I mean. So I understand the hormones, the emotional things that she’s going through, but I also understand the hormonal changes my sons are going through as well because I’ve been down that road too. 

Nadia Rossi (Host) (06:31): 

That’s a great source of knowledge of your whole family. You’ve been there, you know what they’re going through and having them know that, be able to talk to you, confide in you, feels like you have, from what I can understand, quite an open family. 

Jason Tyndale (Guest) (06:46): 

Correct. Yes. We have a lot of conversations. We like to chat about all sorts of things, and I think that’s really important that you have that connectedness with your family and just be open and honest with them and just let them know what’s going on with you. 

Nadia Rossi (Host) (07:00): 

And have they always known you were transgender, your children? 

Jason Tyndale (Guest) (07:03): 

Well, my eldest son, he knew me before that and so then I transitioned while he was growing up. He was about three, so I took him to a psychologist to make sure that he would be okay. So that was really important. So he went through that transition with me understanding what I was going through, and I was explaining to him in age-appropriate terms that this is what’s going on with me and I’m going to be dad. He was like, “That’s cool. No problem.” 

(07:30): 

He didn’t have any issue with that, and he’s been a very big supporter of mine. The twins and Nathaniel, we waited till appropriate times to tell them and then used age-appropriate language to explain what was going on with what I’m about. And they’ve all been very accepting. They have asked lots of questions and I’ve given them answers and now they’re all adults where you just can have conversations around it very openly. 

Nadia Rossi (Host) (07:58): 

Sounds like you really set up that sharing of information with them, but then also leaving it open for them to come back and ask questions as well. 

Jason Tyndale (Guest) (08:07): 

Absolutely. It’s nice to be able to have those conversations with your kids. 

Nadia Rossi (Host) (08:11): 

I think with everything you just want them to be able to come to you. I’m wondering about the conversations that you had and you talked about age-appropriate ways. Can we talk a bit more about that and having those conversations with your children? 

Jason Tyndale (Guest) (08:23): 

I think it depends on the age of the child. So when my eldest was very small and he was seeing the transition, it was a lot harder I think, to try and put it into words for his age. He was only three. So it was very difficult to get around that. What do I explain now? “Well, I’m dad now and my hair is short and when I had hair.” But just having those conversations with the other kids, waited until they were a bit older and just basically said, “Look, I’ve got something I want to talk to you about. It’s nothing dramatic, it’s nothing life-threatening. It’s just something I want to talk to you about me and I want to get you to understand the situation because things may happen or people may say things and you’ll want to understand this.” And then I would go into explaining it. 

(09:16): 

So just basically saying, “Well, I was born as a female, but always knew I was in the wrong body and needed to change that, but I had to wait a long time before I could do it.” And just give them those little things and then prompt them to ask questions. And then because Fat that young age they just had those, “Well, what does that mean? Or how come?” Just they had little questions as kids do, and they do like to have those crazy questions that you don’t even think they’re going to ask you and you’re like, “Well that’s a discussion for another day when you be older.” And that’s the way I did it. So if something wasn’t age appropriate, I always say, “Let’s park that. We’ll come back to it when you’re a bit older. Are you okay with that?” 

(09:59): 

And they’re like, “No problem.” Because kids, they’re pretty non-judgmental. 

Nadia Rossi (Host) (10:03): 

Talking about judgement , have you or your family experienced any stigma associated with being a transgender parent? 

Jason Tyndale (Guest) (10:11): 

When I was transitioning, I was working for quite a large company and the stigma was, you cut it with a knife. It was pretty bad. In hindsight, if I could do it over again, I probably would’ve quit my job and started somewhere else after I’d started transitioning and that would’ve been better because stigma is a very big thing even now with the way the world is. It’s very stigmatising and there’s a lot of hate for transgender people, which is really sad. Familywise, not so much. I lost a few friends. That was hard. That was really hard because the people I thought would be okay with it freaked out. The people that I thought, “They’re not going like this.” They were totally cool with it. 

(10:57): 

And I’m like going, “What? How could I have been so blind to that?” Do you know what I mean? Some people I thought, they’re just going to not be cool with it. Family wise, my aunt and my cousins and my mum were just not on board at all. They would dead name me all the time, misgender me. My mum still does it, which is really frustrating. But stigma is one of those things that it is just part and parcel of being trans, unfortunately. But I think the most important thing is if we can educate people. We are not scary. We’re not going to hurt you. We’re just people. I’m just an ordinary person going about my business. I’m just very casual, just want to get on with my life and raise my family. 

Nadia Rossi (Host) (11:43): 

When experiencing this stigma, how do you navigate that with your children? 

Jason Tyndale (Guest) (11:48): 

I try to laugh it off and just go, “Oh, well, they’ve got it wrong. They’re obviously blind. I just put it out there, don’t worry about it.” Basically the way I’ve raised my kids to believe in anything is it’s not a you problem, it’s a them problem and not to wear it. Because in my younger days I was very worried about what other people think. Now I’m older, I really don’t care. 

Nadia Rossi (Host) (12:09): 

Comes with age. I was wondering, Jason, what advice you would have for a parent listening who is going through transition? 

Jason Tyndale (Guest) (12:16): 

Keep open communication with your kids and with your family as much as you can. Be honest with your kids and just keep them close to you. I think when you transition, it’s hard. I mean, for me, as I said, I can fly under the radar pretty much, but you’ve got trans parents out there, like the male to female transgender people, and it’s harder for them because they have a lot more to go through. The hormone therapy is quite hard and it’s hard if you’re six foot four and you’re going through transition, I can only imagine that that would be just horrendous. So get as much support as you can. If you can’t get support from your family, look to your friends, look to organisations to help you through it, your GP, a practitioner, talk to somebody about it. 

Nadia Rossi (Host) (13:03): 

Do you have any organisations that you reached out to that you would share? 

Jason Tyndale (Guest) (13:09): 

Look, if you’ve got a LGBTIQA+ group in your area, they are a wealth of information and there’s so many people out there that can help you. I connected with a couple of groups down in Tassie just to get some information. But when I was first coming out, I went to doctors and got printouts and I did a lot of research as well into the whole situation before I even decided to go further on the journey. And you need to see a psychiatrist and psychologists and everything. So it’s really good if you can go to those people, get as much information as you can so that you can make an informed decision on whether that’s right for you. 

Nadia Rossi (Host) (13:50): 

It seems like such a through line from what I’m hearing from you is education, educating your children and that supports them and their well-being and understanding, educating yourself and building that support unit around you of people that understand and are educated or who you feel that you can educate and you build that chosen family and that chosen support system around you. 

Jason Tyndale (Guest) (14:12): 

Absolutely. And I think that’s really important too because education, there’s so many people who are misinformed or disinformed about what it means to be a transgendered person. Like we said before, there’s a lot of hate, there’s a lot of misunderstanding, there’s a lot of fear, and I don’t understand why people are so afraid because we’re just normal people. 

Nadia Rossi (Host) (14:35): 

Is there anything, Jason, you would’ve done differently as a family during the time of your transition? 

Jason Tyndale (Guest) (14:42): 

I would’ve definitely had my sister with me when I came out to my mama because that was intense. And she said, “I wish you had asked me to be there.” And I said, “I wish I had asked you to be there too.” Because we support one another so well, even though we live miles away from one another. At the time we were closer and I think it would’ve been nice to have asked her to come along with me. That’s probably something I would’ve done differently just to have someone else in my corner. And I don’t think I would’ve changed anything with the way I’ve brought my kids up. I think the way that we did it was quite good. They’ve grown into really good, empathetic adults. They’re really caring, they’re kind, they’re non-judgmental. And I think by the way I did things, just set them up to be good people. 

Nadia Rossi (Host) (15:28): 

Absolutely. It definitely sounds like that. And again, I think going back to having someone there to support you in that moment is just such a good takeaway. I guess for anyone listening and may be in your situation, is having someone there when you may be having a trickier conversation with someone who may be a bit harder to share the news with. 

Jason Tyndale (Guest) (15:50): 

Right. When I came out to my in-laws, my partner’s sister came along and it was quite funny because I came out to them and I said, “I’m transgender, this is the situation.” And my mother-in-law was like, “What? What’s going on?” And my father-in-law was like, “Oh yeah, that’s cool. No problem.” And he was really cool with it. And my mother-in-law was like, “I don’t understand.” And then my sister-in goes, “Well, while we’re at it, I’m just going to let you know I’m gay.” 

Nadia Rossi (Host) (16:18): 

It’s all coming out. 

Jason Tyndale (Guest) (16:19): 

It all came out at the dinner table and it was quite funny. And my father-in-law goes, “Oh, I knew that.” And my mother-in-law’s sitting going, “I don’t understand what’s going on.” And it was quite funny, but they’re so accepting. It was just lovely to have that. So my partner’s family is super supportive, which is great. They’ve always had my back, which is really nice. 

Nadia Rossi (Host) (16:44): 

Jason, I know we talked a bit about being a transgender parent and how really it’s no different to being a parent. You are a parent, but I’m wondering what the strengths are for being a transgender parent. 

Jason Tyndale (Guest) (16:56): 

I’ve built a lot of resilience over the years, and one of the big strengths I’ve come back with is that I can talk to the boys about boy things. I can talk to my daughter and understand her challenges. And I think being able to talk to my family and just building on things that we’ve done, it’s just given me a lot of strength internally to be able to cope with things that crop up. Like I said, a long time ago, I used to worry about what other people think. And as I’ve gotten older and my experiences, I’ve been trans now longer than I was the other way around. So I’m just living my life and enjoying it. And I think just having the strength to just keep going and meet all the challenges head on. 

Nadia Rossi (Host) (17:42): 

And it does sound like that has all fed back to your children, it sounds like they’re just wonderful. You have a wonderful family. 

Jason Tyndale (Guest) (17:48): 

They’re really good kids. I cannot be prouder of my children. They’re so good. 

Nadia Rossi (Host) (17:52): 

Thank you so much for sharing that with us. I was wondering if you could leave our listeners with one thing from our talk today, what would that be? 

Jason Tyndale (Guest) (18:01): 

So I know a lot of people these days listen to disinformation and misinformation and make judgements based on negative hearsay and fearmongering and I just want to let people know that that’s not the way to go about it. Transgender people are just like everyone else. They have hopes, they have dreams, they have families, and they’re not something to be feared. I think if you get the opportunity to meet someone who’s transgendered, have a conversation, you might be surprised. And don’t be afraid to talk to them and get to know them, and you’ll find out they’re just trying to live their best life and get along with everyone and just get moving and raise their families and do their own thing. So if you had the opportunity, be kind. 

Nadia Rossi (Host) (18:43): 

Thank you so much, Jason. 

Jason Tyndale (Guest) (18:44): 

You’re welcome. 

Narrator (18:47): 

Visit our website at www.emergingminds.com.au/families for a wide range of free information and resources to help support child and family mental health. Emerging Minds leads the National Workforce Centre for Child Mental Health. The National Workforce Centre for Child Mental Health is funded by the Australian Government Department of Health and Aged Care under the National Support for Child and Youth Mental Health Program.