Transcript for
Reflecting on 2020

Narrator [00:00:02] Welcome to the Emerging Minds’ podcast.

Sophie Guy [00:00:08] You’re with Sophie Guy, and this is the final episode of the Emerging Minds’ podcast series for 2020. This episode is going to be a little bit different. I wanted to stop and reflect on the disruptive and, at times, challenging year that 2020 has been for so many of us, and to consider what children and families across Australia might be experiencing in the lead up to Christmas. I decided to invite a couple of my colleagues at Emerging Minds to offer their reflections on what they think might be the unique challenges families are facing this year. I also wanted to ask them to share one or two messages that they think could be helpful for practitioners to consider when supporting children’s social and emotional wellbeing this holiday season.

Sophie Guy [00:00:53] I caught up with our Director, Brad Morgan, as well as two colleagues from interstate, Angela Scuderi in Melbourne and Ania Mazurkiewicz in our Sydney team. First, let’s hear from Brad.

Sophie Guy [00:01:06] I wondered if you could just share a little bit about what it’s been like for you and your family during this strange and at times challenging year that 2020 has been.

Brad Morgan [00:01:16] Yeah, it has been a strange year and I think everyone would share that experience. For me and my family. I think it’s been quite an up and down year. Probably the big challenges I’ve sort of found is it feels like we’ve sort of almost lost concept of time, is something I’ve noticed in this year. In many ways it’s felt really fast. But also when I look back when 2019 was that felt like a very distant memory. And I think that’s associated with how much change has happened this year. In many ways, there’s been lots of strengthening things that have happened for our family. I think the challenges we have had as a family, I think is the uncertainty and the anxiety that’s created for all of us. It feels like everything’s been on pause and in lots of ways there’s lots of decisions you could make, but you’re not sure if you should make as well. But in the other way, it’s been quite a strengthening year as well where it has felt like there hasn’t been as much pressure and busyness outside of work where there’s been some really good times of just being able to really connect and be with the family as well, which has been really good for all of us. Overall, it’s sort of been a mixed year, but there’s been sort of good and bad with it as well, which I think is what I’ve heard from a lot of other families, too.

Sophie Guy [00:02:29] It’s good to hear about the challenges and some of the unexpected blessings as well that come with difficult times. And so just reflecting a little more broadly on how other families out there in Australia and children obviously as well might be sort of feeling or what might be the unique challenges as a result of this year that they’re facing?

Brad Morgan [00:02:55] I think what covid has taught all of us, and I think we all knew this to begin with anyway, but it’s affected every family differently. Many families I’ve spoken to have talked about it actually being a really good year for them in lots of ways of being able to not have the pressures that they had in their daily lives of being busy. The pressure of sort of keeping really connected with lots and lots of appointments and schedules and things like that as well. So it really has been a bit of a slow down year in many ways. And I think a lot of families I’ve spoken to have said that’s been really positive for them, that they’ve actually had the time to connect with each other in a way that they felt they’ve been missing. For some families, that’s been really positive. But I also know that, and we know more broadly, that it’s also been a really, really hard to use for lots and lots of families.

Brad Morgan [00:03:43] I think what happens in those situations we’ve been through, where we’ve had to be at home a lot with each other, whilst that can be good is also exhausting. Little things that probably were sort of tripping along or even big things for families that were sort of being really quite a challenge for them, it just makes those things even more intense. And so, you know, the relationship challenges that creates, the tension and the stress. And for a lot of families that’s been unfortunately sort of what this year might have felt like for them as well, where a lot of the challenges they’ve had, have just sort of been intensified 100 fold. The relationships hey have with each other feeling really disrupted and challenged.

Brad Morgan [00:04:21] And then I think the other thing I sort of am really conscious of and speaking with a lot of families is how much they’ve missed each other. We’ve had lots of grandparents who’ve never got to meet their newborn babies or connected with their grandchildren or missed out on all those important rituals that we have during the year like end of school concerts and end of year sporting, and year twelve and those who are sort of finishing up high school, is a lot of the rituals that we usually havehaven’t been available to them as well. So I think there’s probably a lot of grief and loss attached to that around what we’ve missed because of what’s been happening.

Sophie Guy [00:04:57] And so is the sort of one or two messages that you would highlight about, particularly around supporting children this Christmas and thinking about the impact that these changes might have had on children, what would you share about supporting children’s social and emotional wellbeing right now?

Brad Morgan [00:05:18] As I said, it’s been different for everyone but I think some key things just to be thinking about or be conscious of through sort of the holiday season is to anticipate that there is going to be probably some extra challenges this year. And whilst we’re sort of taking a break, what often happens when we take a break is it gives us time to process or think about what’s happened and how we’re feeling or even be a bit connected. And so for some people, we’re going to probably have a few more moments of feeling quite anxious or angry or a bit of tension as well. There might be some patterns that we’ve had in our families that might come out. I think probably just being prepared for some of those challenges and anticipate them, because I think often we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to experience joy and happiness in the holiday seasons. But it’s actually okay to feel anxious and worried. And I think we often feel a lot of guilt for feeling that way but that’s actually okay, that’s expected. So that would be just one thing. And to expect that from each other and from children and parents together as well, that there might be a lot of energy that we all want to be happy and put pressure on ourselves to be happy. But sometimes that’s really tricky, too. So it’s actually giving ourselves permission to be okay with that. And if possible, keep some open communication about that in the family. That it’s actually okay to feel grumpy, on Christmas Day if that’s the case, and not to beat yourself up too much about that.

Brad Morgan [00:06:38] But I think the other thing for children and families is we might be tempted, and that’s okay, and it’s good to sort of relax a bit and I’d really encourage some relaxation. But is just to keep some, keep some patterns and routines in the daily lives of the family and the children. In the context of uncertainty that we still have, having that sense of a little bit of a routine, not a strict one, but a little bit of a routine and the predictability of every day can be really good for children, but it’s also good for parents and family members as well. Just to have that in mind, and irrespective of what happens over the next few weeks, is finding ways to keep children connected, obviously in with each other, but also with their extended family and with friends that as we’re heading off from school and other things. They’ve been really important this year, our connections with others, and maintaining those in whatever form we can is really important. Often what happens at Christmas time is we all sort of take a breath from our connections as well and sort of become quite insular. But making the time still to try and keep connected in whatever form that needs to be, whether that’s in person or online. And I’m sure that will be of value to people we haven’t been able to connect with as much who are probably really craving that connection at this time of year as well. Who might be a grandparent thats overseas or a cousin or a sibling that might not be able to be with us this year as well.

Sophie Guy [00:08:02] Well, thank you very much, Brad I really appreciate you sharing your perspective with me.

Brad Morgan [00:08:07] Thank you, Sophie.

Sophie Guy [00:08:09] Next, we’re going to hear from Ang Scuderi, who lives in Melbourne. Ang has been at Emerging Minds since 2018, working as a Child Mental Health Consultant for Victoria and Tasmania.

Sophie Guy [00:08:20] Welcome Ang and if you’d like to share a little bit about how this year has been for you.

Angela Scuderi [00:08:25] Just in terms of the year as a whole, and especially given that I’m in Victoria, I suppose it’s been a year of uncertainty and adjustment. And not unlike many other people, what that actually means, the challenge of needing to adjust to that uncertainty.

Sophie Guy [00:08:44] Yeah, I think that’s going to be a pretty familiar experience for people. I’m wondering what you think are some of the real specific things that children and families might be facing in the lead up to Christmas?

Angela Scuderi [00:08:58] So, like I mentioned, I’m speaking from the Victorian experience. You know, 2020 has been a year of uncertainty and change. In so many ways, the way that we live our lives has had to change quite quickly as well. And so that’s actually meant that for many people haven’t had the time to adapt or adjust to the changes. So the response to covid saw policy makers and governments implement particular requirements that meant that for many people, family and work life merged. So we saw working from home and home schooling arrangements becoming the norm. So the restrictions that were imposed in an attempt to contain or eliminate the virus meant that for many families, physical access to the established support networks and leisure activities were also restricted. When we hold these in mind, we have a context where stress and anxiety surrounding uncertainty is elevated with little time to adapt. And the things that actually help us get through the tough times, such as our established support networks. You know, getting out about about, leisure, pleasure activities being restricted. When we think about the approaching holiday season, what it actually means within the context of the year that we’ve had, it can be quite different for different people.

Angela Scuderi [00:10:32] But the one thing that we seem to be united in is that it holds some kind of meaning, you know. Whatever meaning this time of year holds, it’s an annual ritual. So ritual that families have established over time. Thinking about rituals and the importance that they carry for many people, it’s supported by certain practices. And it holds specific or particular expectations. And for many families, these practices and expectations may need to be adapted to fit in with what would be permissible at the time. In Victoria, the restrictions have been relaxed, but we also know that this is not a permanent state, you know. So even though the changes have been welcomed, we also know that that can change. That may be sitting in the background over the holiday season. And, you know, when we think about unpredictability, it’s one of the symptoms or signs of trauma. That thing that happens externally to us and there’s, we have no way of controlling it. So in many ways, they are the things that kind of contribute to stress and anxiety and uncertainty. So often it means having to give things up or there’s a sense of loss. Loss of the way that we live our life, but also the uncertainty of what that would actually look like in the future, even though things are a little bit more relaxed at the moment.

Sophie Guy [00:12:05] And how do you think this might be impacting children and how they might be feeling and the relationships in the family?

Angela Scuderi [00:12:14] We know that children do as well as the adults around them. So a lot will very depend on how the adults in the child’s life responded to the changes, to the uncertainty, to the unpredictability. And how well they were able to maintain and manage routines. How information was communicated to them. How much information children had access to and in what ways they received it and how that was responded to. So I think that there’s a whole range of ways that this can impact children, but very much it’s around the support that children had around them. And as with that support it’s also comes down to the relationships and how those relationships were maintained through this period. And not only relationships with parents, but important people. So it could be extended family. It could be friendship groups.

Angela Scuderi [00:13:11] Alongside that, we also know how valuable play is for children. And so I suppose with restrictions on leisure, how play may have been, you know, the creative ways that play may have been integrated to enable children to actually still play. I’m not talking about screen play. I’m talking about going outside, having a bit of a run, playing games, doing creative things, whatever the child chooses to define as play. And have the adults were able to be part of that and support the child in that play. So I think those kind of things would inform how a child would respond to the changes of this year. Some of the things that we might see in children is anxiety, separation anxiety, fear. We need to keep in mind that there assumptive world has been impacted. What they assumed and what they knew, has changed. What they knew was certain, they’ve learned that, hey, there’s no certainty in the things that I thought were certain before. That does have an impact on children. I suppose that some of the ways how children might be impacted.

Sophie Guy [00:14:30] Okay, thank you for that. I just wonder if there was sort of one or two messages that you could highlight about what would be important for supporting children’s social and emotional wellbeing around the Christmas period?

Angela Scuderi [00:14:44] For practitioners that are working with supporting families, it might be important to keep in mind the unique circumstances of each family. Covid impacted on everyone but our lives are all different. So it doesn’t mean that we all respond to it in the same way. So it’s important to be really sensitive and mindful of the unique circumstances of each family. But to keep in mind also there are a lot of similarities that are shared with other families. So taking time to help parents or the caregivers to identify the things that have helped them to get through the tough times this year along with what they were challenged by and help them to create a plan should things change again. If the parents are prepared and they’re feeling that it doesn’t matter if things change, it kind of creates that reassurance that children need, that we’re going to be okay. We’re going to be able to get through this again. So having a plan for what they want to do over the holiday period, but also having a backup plan too.

Angela Scuderi [00:15:49] And making sure that children and what they might want or need are considered in the conversations about what to do. Encouraging parents to communicate and include children in the planning. You know, ultimately the parents will make the decision about what happens given their context and means, but if the child’s voice can also contribute to these plans, it can really help children, particularly if they’ve been struggling with adapting to changes and uncertainty over the year. It can also be helpful to encourage parents to keep things as simple as possible. Things don’t need to be any more difficult than they already are, you know. So even that planning, keeping, trying to keep things simple. And I suppose the only other thing I would add is not to underestimate the power of consistency and familiarity. So maintaining routines and rituals as much as possible provides that sense of safety and reassurance. Where particular rituals and practices can’t occur this holiday season. In these instances, encourage the parent or caregiver to talk with their child about it and involve the children in what happens. And remember that the children tend to reflect the worries of the adult that care for them. So if parents take care of themselves, then they can be better able to be responsive to their child’s worries and needs too.

Sophie Guy [00:17:14] Great. And I’d just like to say thank you, Ang, very much for joining me today.

Angela Scuderi [00:17:18] Thank you for inviting me.

Sophie Guy [00:17:20] Lastly, I caught up with Ania who, like Ang, is a Child Mental Health Consultant at Emerging Minds’ based in Sydney.

Sophie Guy [00:17:28] Thanks a lot for joining me today, Ania.

Ania Mazurkiewicz [00:17:30] Thanks, Sophie, for having me.

Sophie Guy [00:17:32] We’re here to reflect on 2020 and a year that has been challenging and quite disruptive. So I wondered Ania, if you could share what you think maybe are the key challenges that children and families might be facing in the holiday season?

Ania Mazurkiewicz [00:17:50] I think like you said, Sophie, I think for many of us this has been probably the most challenging, uncertain and possibly the most stressful year ever, really. And what we’ve been hearing a lot from families, but also practitioners, is that everyone is exhausted. Everyone is tired. Everyone is really overwhelmed. And many of us hadn’t really had a proper break since last year, really. So here in New South Wales where I am and in other parts of Australia, we’ve had bushfires that started from November last year. Then we had covid. So many of us have spent the last 12 months really trying to hold things together. And I think the kind of the difference about this Christmas will be that although there’s temptation to celebrate and I hope that some of us will be still celebrating in one way or the other, I think this Christmas is also about grieving to a degree. And I think we all kind of will be bringing lots of very difficult and very mixed emotions to the Christmas Day, really. And some of us will be, I guess, lucky enough to get together with our families, with our loved ones. Some of us won’t be able to do it. But I think what we will all share is, I feel, that kind of mixture of emotions that we’ve all been carrying through the last 12 months.

Ania Mazurkiewicz [00:19:13] And I think the other thing with Christmas, Sophie, for me is that, you know, we normally talk about Christmas as this happy family time. But Christmas can also put a lot of pressure on families and individuals to get things right, to get things perfect. And I think that this Christmas, probably more than ever, we need to rethink what’s truly important for us and give ourselves permission to slow down and just be with each other. So the other kind of thought I was having, here at the National Workforce Centre we often talk about the value of relationships and human connections, and obviously that’s especially the case for young children. And I could not reinforce this enough that it is the being together with our families, with our friends that’s truly important. And for many of us this year, this might not mean being physically together for a variety of reasons or under one roof. But I think we really need to find a way of connecting with one another. I’m from Poland originally, and one of the Christmas traditions we have in Poland is to set an extra space at the table for someone who might need it or someone who otherwise would be on his or her own on the Christmas Day. And I guess for me, kind of growing up, this was mainly a symbolic gesture. However, this year, it has really made me think that many of us, as I said before, will not be able to spend Christmas with our loved ones. And I hope that we all stay attuned to that and reach out as much as we can to know a single mum next door who would normally be visiting her parents in a different state, or to an older gentleman down the road who would normally be spending his Christmas with his family. So, yeah, that’s just another thing I’ve been thinking about kind of in the lead up to this Christmas.

Sophie Guy [00:21:04] Yeah, I think that’s a really beautiful message and really quite important this year, as you say, with people perhaps not being able to travel and see family like they normally would. For you, what the key one or two messages that you think might be important to highlight about supporting children’s social and emotional wellbeing?

Ania Mazurkiewicz [00:21:23] I think for me, it’s about this notion of slowing down and allowing ourselves to be as we are. And I think we’re all coming to Christmas being tired, being overwhelmed. And that’s okay. You know, we don’t need to be at our full performance. But the other, I think, fairly obvious thing, but it’s so important now more than ever is that for children, it’s the time that they spend with their families. It’s the time that they spend with another human being, with the parents, with dad, with mum, with another family member that’s really meaningful. And the other thing that kind of we’ve been hearing amongst all the awful stories that all of us have heard over the last 12 months, was children saying how nice it has been to have that extra time with with mum and dad. So though many parents have been stressed, I think there were children who kind of really appreciated the time together. And for me, I think that’s probably the most powerful message that, you know, it is about those simple things. It is about, you know, going for a walk together. It is about going for a family bike ride or playing a board game that really matters. And I think, you know, for kids, this has been an incredibly stressful year as well. And if we can find that time to connect and just be and find moments of joy. I think this has been such a difficult year that finding those kind of glimpses of hope and joy is my main message and something I really wish for everyone.

Ania Mazurkiewicz [00:22:56] So another reflection is that covid has taught us many cruel lessons, but I also think it has taught us some lessons, really helpful lessons in simplicity. And I think for many of us, life before covid has been incredibly stressful. It taught us that life can be different than just rushing from one activity to another. From school drop off to work and from meetings to school pickups. And I hope it reminded us that especially for children, it is those simple things that matters. And I know that’s not the case for all the children or for all the families. But in the times like this, we simply have to hold on to those stories of hope so we can see that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Sophie Guy [00:23:38] Okay. Thank you very much for your time, Ania, I appreciate it.

Ania Mazurkiewicz [00:23:41] Thank you so much, Sophie.

Sophie Guy [00:23:43] That brings us to the end of this special episode and the end of the Emerging Minds’ podcast series for 2020. We hope there was something helpful or insightful in there for you and that you will join us again in 2021 for a fresh new series of conversations with practitioners and experts dedicated to supporting children’s mental health. To carry us over the Christmas break, we will be replaying some episodes from earlier in the year. Thank you for listening. We wish you a happy and healthy Christmas holiday.

Narrator [00:24:14] Visit our website at www.emergingminds.com.au to access a range of resources to assist your practice. Brought to you by the National Workforce Centre for Child Mental Health led by Emerging Minds. The National Workforce Centre for Child Mental Health is funded by the Australian Government Department of Health under the National Support for Child and Youth Mental Health Program.