Protecting your child’s mental health during disaster

During events such as a bushfire, flood, cyclone or other disaster, it’s normal to feel overwhelmed and scared – both for yourself and your family. But children are far less likely to experience ongoing mental health difficulties if they receive support, comfort and reassurance from the adults around them at the earliest possible stage.

Mental health specialists have developed the following list to help you calm and comfort your children during and after a disaster. Taking these actions will allow them to gradually make sense of what’s happening and will limit the potential for ongoing trauma.

• Avoid unnecessary separation. Your child will need to be with you and their siblings. If this isn’t possible – for example, if you need to start the clean-up operation while keeping them out of harm’s way – try to leave them in the care of someone they know and trust. And keep in touch as much as possible with texts, voice and video calls. You’ll find more tips in our What to tell your children when you are a disaster first responder fact sheet.

• Tell your child they’re safe (when this is the case), that you’re with them and that you’ll look after them. Explain what has happened and, if possible, what will happen next.
• Focus on the basics. Prioritise medical assistance, getting a roof over your heads, clean water, warmth, healthy food and rest.
• Keep things calm around them. Read our Providing your child with emotional support during disasters fact sheet for specific ways to calm and comfort children.
• Avoid further exposure to upsetting situations. Try to keep them away from distressed people, other people’s conversations about their disaster experience and media reports that might upset them. For tips on managing the impact of media exposure on your child’s mental health, check out our fact sheet, Traumatic events, the media and your child.
• Limit reminders of the disaster where possible by keeping your child away from any potentially triggering sights, sounds and smells. Look for a quiet and settled place with other people around. While it may be tempting to explore the damage in your local area, try to avoid visiting places that have been affected by the disaster as much as you can. Allowing this distance will help to support your child’s sense of safety.
• Maintain familiar people, objects, routines and places (as much as you can). Connect your child with something familiar as soon as possible. This might be a much-loved person, activity, pet, place or object. Familiarity and routine will help enormously with their recovery.
• Ask your child how they would like to be comforted. While you might feel a strong urge to offer them physical comfort – cuddling, stroking their hair, holding hands or sitting together – they may not want that right now. Calming, quiet conversations and listening to/singing favourite songs can help to reassure them that they’ll be OK. Older children and young people may also benefit from connecting with their friends, either in person (if possible) or virtually.
• Accept your child’s responses, reactions and feelings. Don’t tell them to ‘be good’, to ‘stop being silly’ or that they need to ‘be brave’. They need to be able to share how they’re feeling when they’re ready to, and trust that you’ll understand and support them. Check in with your child over time – more frequent, shorter conversations are better than longer, one-off chats. Allow them to talk (without forcing them) and say what they need to say. Take their worries seriously; don’t dismiss them. Let them cry. Keep reassuring them that their reactions are normal and will eventually pass.
• Answer your child’s questions factually, clearly and concisely without providing unnecessary details (bearing in mind how old they are). It’s OK if you don’t have the information to answer their questions; just be honest and say so – if you have internet access, you might suggest looking up the answer together. Don’t make promises you can’t keep, and don’t make stuff up that might be wrong just to make them feel better. And remember, in most cases you are the answer, because as their parent/carer, you are the provider of love and stability.
• Be on the lookout for changes in your child’s behaviour and emotions, in response to the stress of the disaster. While it’s important to still set some boundaries around what is and isn’t acceptable behaviour, you may need to adjust your expectations a bit during this time. For tips on what reactions you might see, check out our Managing children’s immediate reactions to disaster fact sheet.
• Help your child to name and manage any physical reactions. For example, you might help them to put words to their feelings – ‘I feel tightness in my chest’, ‘I feel tingling in my belly’, ‘I feel my heart racing.’ Explore different calming activities together, such as journalling, drawing, cuddling an animal or moving their body (e.g. walking or dancing). You could also show them how to take slow, deep ‘belly breaths’ (breathing deep to make their belly expand, then exhaling slowly) to calm themselves if they’re feeling tense, breathing rapidly or fidgeting.
• Look after yourself. Understand that even though you’re the parent, you might actually experience much of the same distress as your child. It is important that you prioritise your own wellbeing and give yourself permission to seek support. You’ll find more tips in our Looking after yourself during disaster: A guide for parents fact sheet.
• And finally, don’t forget to be kind to yourself. You’ve been through a lot and are probably going through lots of emotions yourself – stress, anger, worry, exhaustion, relief, even guilt. Be gentle with yourself – but also try to be kind to your family. If you do lash out in a moment of stress (towards others or your children), take the time to help your children make sense of this and explain how you will try to manage your feelings in the future. You might say something like, ‘I’m sorry I yelled at you. There are lots of things to think about and plan right now. But after a quiet moment and some deep breaths, I feel calmer.’

More tips

• Managing children’s immediate reactions to disaster
• What to tell your children when you are a disaster first responder
• Providing your child with emotional support during disasters
• Looking after your mental health during disaster: A guide for parents