Understanding parents’ experiences of their child engaging in self-harm and/or suicidal ideation

Introduction

There is evidence to suggest that children in Australia are increasingly engaging in self-harm behaviours and suicidal ideation (Australian Institute of Health and Welfare [AIHW], 2025; Townsend et al., 2022). In 2001, the rate of death by suicide for children 14 years and younger was 0.3 per 100,000 population; in 2023 it was 0.6 per 100,000 (AIHW, 2025). A systematic review and meta-analysis of international research (from mostly high-income countries) on self-harm and suicidal behaviours of children aged 12 years and younger estimated that 7.5% of children reported experiencing suicidal ideation and 1.4% had self-harmed (Geoffroy et al., 2022). Further, evidence suggests that experiencing these behaviours at a younger age is linked to more severe and frequent self-harm episodes and a higher risk of future suicidal behaviour (Hamza et al., 2012; Qian et al., 2023; Simundic et al., 2024).

The discovery of a child’s self-harming behaviours or suicidal thoughts can be very upsetting for parents. They may seek help from practitioners and other professionals on how to support their child.

Practitioners who work with children and families can be an important source of information and support for parents on how to help their child and how they can preserve their own wellbeing. Supporting parents to help their children can improve the child’s outcomes and help with recovery from self-harm and related poor mental health (Krysinska et al., 2020).

Greater awareness of parents’ experiences can help practitioners provide the best support to parents and their children. This article describes the current research on parents’ experiences of children’s self-harm and suicidal ideation. It provides some practice considerations for how to support parents and their children and how to address barriers to parents accessing services.

Note: Most research on this topic focuses on parents of adolescents (i.e. age 12–19 years); however, the findings are likely to be relevant to parents of younger children.

How do parents respond to children’s self-harming behaviours?

Research has found that parents experience a range of responses when they discover their child’s self-harm behaviours. These can include intense emotions such as distress, self-blame, denial, sadness, shame and grief (Krysinska et al., 2020; Rheinberger et al., 2023; Simes et al., 2022; Townsend et al., 2022; Zhao et al., 2023). There may also be effects on parents’ physical health, such as insomnia, loss of appetite, fatigue and nausea (Rheinberger et al., 2023).

Parents often try to fit their child’s behaviours into their existing understanding of their child. This process of ‘sense-making’ can include ruminating (constant thinking or worrying) about the self-harming, seeking out information about the behaviour and how to respond, and questioning why it occurred (Zhao et al., 2023).

Feelings of stigma and shame often play an important role in preventing the disclosure of self-harm behaviours that can prevent a young person from telling their parents or prevent parents from seeking professional support for their child. Parents may be influenced by social stigma when they respond to their child’s self-harm or suicidal ideation (Krysinska et al., 2020; Rheinberger et al., 2023). They may avoid talking about the behaviour out of fear others will negatively judge their child, family or parenting style (Ferrey et al., 2015). Parents may also respond to their child’s self-harm by:

• dismissing it (e.g. as accidental or an attempt at manipulation)
• increasing supervision to prevent further incidents
• being overly lenient to avoid triggering self-harm (Simes et al., 2022).

Parents’ role and experiences in seeking professional support

When a parent discovers that their child is self-harming or having suicidal thoughts, they may want information on what to do and how best to help their child. Parents are often the primary source of support for children and have a critical role in identifying when a problem exists, facilitating access to supports/services and actively participating in interventions (e.g. counselling sessions) that lead to reduced self-harm (Arbuthnott & Lewis, 2015; Burke et al., 2023; Rheinberger et al., 2023).

Parents may feel overwhelmed with thoughts on how to approach their child’s behaviour, or by their emotional response to the situation. This can affect if, when and where they seek help for their child. Research suggests that parents may experience hesitation in seeking professional support or feel unsure about involving service providers (Rheinberger et al., 2023). For example, some parents may not contact service providers due to concerns they would not help the situation, preferring to let the crisis resolve without intervention (Rheinberger et al., 2023). There may be challenging or difficult family circumstances, such as unsupportive parent–child relationships, that may affect children’s disclosure of their behaviour and their safety to do so (Bellairs-Walsh et al., 2021).

Further, research has found that parents may struggle to receive the care and support they need from practitioners. This includes negative experiences where they felt practitioners were judgemental, insensitive and unsympathetic (Rheinberger et al., 2023; Zhao et al., 2023). Parents may lose confidence in a service’s ability to help if they experience stigma from service providers.

Practice considerations for supporting parents

Positive and empathetic approaches from practitioners can dramatically change a parent’s engagement with, and experience of, services and supports when seeking help with their child’s self-harming behaviours. When practitioners play an active role in empowering parents to seek support, it can help address parents’ hesitancy in seeking help for their children. Practitioners play an important role in working to reduce stigma in practice settings.

The following information draws from research on supporting parents to provide some key evidence-based practice considerations.

Encouraging support-seeking behaviours

Providing parents with trustworthy and clear information can improve their engagement with supports. It can also improve their belief in help-seeking behaviour to address their child’s self-harm and reduce their fear of stigma and feelings of shame. The information that parents need will change as they move from discovery of self-harm, through treatment and into recovery (French et al., 2024; Zhao et al., 2023).

Practitioners can also avoid creating stigma through respectful listening, leading with curiosity instead of assumptions, and focusing on the strengths of the child and their family to address the causes of the self-harm behaviours (Emerging Minds, 2024).

Information and resources should address stigma both within practice and from parents, strengthen parents’ self-efficacy (belief in their ability to provide support) and encourage positive attitudes around help-seeking (Burke et al., 2023). Providing information about self-harm, including why it occurs and how to respond, can reduce parents’ sense of stigma and increase the likelihood they will seek or enable access to professional support for their child (Burke et al., 2023).

Recommendations for supporting parents in practice

Professionals and service providers can engage with parents in several ways to ensure parents and their families are supported when their child is experiencing self-harm or suicidal ideation. Parents of children engaging in self-harm behaviours need support for their own mental health and wellbeing, both for its own sake and to enable them to meet the needs of the child (Martin et al., 2024; Zhao et al., 2023). Research has shown the following may be effective practices for ensuring that parents and their children stay engaged with professional support.

• Parental self-care: Providing parents with the tools to manage their own mental health ensures the child’s support network is resilient and able to offer care. This includes encouraging parents to seek help from professionals and to practice self-compassion to address self-blame (Martin et al., 2024; Zhao et al., 2023).
• Involving parents in their child’s treatment plans: Practitioners should consider the value of involving parents and their children in a collaborative or team approach to understand what informs the child’s behaviour (Kemperman, 2025). Involving parents in treatment plans ensures they understand the steps involved in treatment for self-harm, can empower parents to support their children at home and to better understand the behaviour (Curtis et al., 2018; Simes et al., 2022).
• Availability of peer support: Peer support can be an important source of encouragement and support for parents seeking help. Service providers and practitioners can help facilitate peer support by setting up support groups or linking parents to existing peer support. Support from other parents who have experienced a child’s self-harm behaviours can lessen feelings of isolation and serve as a source of information and mutual support (Arbuthnott & Lewis, 2015; Curtis et al., 2018).

This list of practice considerations is not exhaustive. Further resources to assist professionals to support parents are listed at the end of this article.

Conclusion

Support for parents is an important protective factor for children’s recovery from self-harm. Practitioners and other professionals play an important role in addressing stigma around self-harm and suicidal thoughts, as well as in providing parents with the knowledge and skills to understand and address children’s self-harming behaviours. Supports for parents should include informational resources, tools to help them manage their own mental health and wellbeing, and guidance to seek help and support.

Acknowledgements

Beth Thomas-Richards (author) and Dr Mandy Truong (author) from the Australian Institute of Family Studies (AIFS) would like to acknowledge Amanda Kemperman, who contributed her topic matter expertise through review and feedback on this short article.

Related resources

From Emerging Minds

Understanding and responding to childhood suicidal ideation (online course) 
This course supports practitioners who are working with children experiencing sorrow, distress and despair, including those who may think and talk about suicide.

Understanding and supporting children who self-harm: Giving them a voice (podcast episode) 
This podcast episode includes a discussion with Dr Lyn O’Grady (community psychologist) and David Newman (narrative therapist) on recognising and responding to self-harming behaviour with children.

Understanding and responding to childhood suicidal ideation (webinar recording) 
This webinar includes a panel discussion led by Amanda Kemperman (former Practice Development Officer, Emerging Minds) with David Newman (narrative therapist), Dr Lyn O’Grady (community psychologist) and Arianne Coad (Emerging Minds child and family partner).

Understanding and responding to childhood suicidal ideation: A case scenario (webinar recording) 
This webinar builds on content from the Understanding and responding to childhood suicidal ideation webinar. Panellists David Newman, Dr Lyn O’Grady and Arianne Coad use a case scenario to reflect on some of the ethical considerations that practitioners need to consider when responding to children and families. They also provide practical strategies to help practitioners better understand and support children experiencing suicidal ideation.

Responding to childhood suicidal ideation through understanding and curiosity (practice paper) 
This paper highlights strategies for practitioners working with children in distress, including ways to support to them to feel heard and to enable them to navigate their experiences.

Getting to know where shame comes from (resource for families) 
This resource has been created to help families understand what shame is and where it comes from. It includes children’s and parents’ perspectives on shame.

From other organisations

Coping with self-harm: A guide for parents and carers | Orygen (AU) 
This resource provides parents with information on self-harm, responding to self-harm incidents and seeking support. It provides links and contact information for Australian services.

Coping with self-harm: A guide for parents and carers | Oxford Health (UK) 
This guide is aimed at helping parents, carers, family members and friends cope when a young person is self-harming. It includes information on the nature and causes of self-harm, how to support a young person and what help is available. Please note that the sources of help provided in this guide are based in the United Kingdom.

Self-harm: What you need to know about self-harm | Headspace 
This resource provides a short overview of what self-harm is, why it happens and what to do if you are experiencing self-harm. The resource is intended for both people who are self-harming and those wishing to help others.