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Parenting our way: The ups and downs of being a parent

This resource is part of Parenting our way, a collection of resources created with Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander parents, families and workers to support children’s social and emotional wellbeing.

 

Being a parent is a big job. Some days you feel like you’ve got everything under control; other days it can feel hard and overwhelming. It can feel that way for everyone: all parents have ups and downs.

In this video (54 seconds), Alison talks about how parents pretend everything is fine even when it’s tough – she calls it ‘the mask of motherhood’.

Challenges faced by many Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander parents

Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander parents who helped make this resource shared some of the extra challenges they face:

  • dealing with racism, feeling judged and not being respected when asking for help
  • living in two worlds – trying to keep culture strong while also fitting in with work, school and parenting
  • worrying about money, bills and having enough to support the family
  • difficulty finding services, especially in rural or remote communities
  • being confused about where to go for help
  • the impact of colonisation, like the Stolen Generations and loss of Country, which still affect families today.

Challenges for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander fathers

Some Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander dads said they feel judged and misunderstood. They said they deal with:

  • systemic bias – people assuming dads are violent or not good parents
  • relationship breakdowns, which can keep them away from their children
  • worries about contact with the Family Court, the Department for Child Protection and police
  • feeling like the system is against them and there’s no help.

Watch the next video (38 seconds) to hear Harley talk about feeling judged based on how he looks.

How these challenges can affect your everyday life

These challenges can affect parents in lots of ways. Sometimes we don’t take care of ourselves like we know we should, which might look like:

  • skipping meals or eating whatever is easier or cheaper
  • not sleeping well or sleeping too much
  • feeling sad or down and not knowing how to shake it off
  • feeling depressed or anxious
  • not connecting with family and friends because you don’t feel like being with people
  • using alcohol or drugs to cope or numb the feelings.
  • taking out the hurt on the people we love.

Even with all these challenges, every parent we spoke to shared one big hope:

They all wanted the best for their children and to grow in love, family and culture.

 

When you are facing these kinds of challenges, it might help to think about the things and people who give you strength. Read the next resource for more: Parenting our way: Connecting with things that help you feel strong.

 

When things get hard: Give yourself a minute

Taking a short break can help you calm down and think more clearly.  It can be as simple as taking a few deep breaths, stepping outside for some fresh air or going for a short walk.

In the next video (55 seconds), Sonia shares how she knows when she needs some space.

 

What’s next? Explore other Parenting our way resources:

Discover more resources

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