One important way children learn about emotions and how to cope with them is by watching how their parents and other people around them handle challenging situations. Think about what your child sees and hears when you are feeling stressed, disappointed or angry – what’s your facial expression, your tone of voice, your behaviour?
If you have young children, naming your feeling and describing how it feels in your body helps build their understanding of emotions.
With older children you can talk about how you react when you feel sad or angry, and what you do to cope with stresses, for example walking away to cool down, talking with someone you trust, or taking some deep breaths.
It’s also good to talk to your child when you don’t model the best ways of expressing your feelings or respond to something challenging the way you would have liked to. It’s good for children to know that no one is perfect and we’re all learning. What’s most important is to go back and ‘repair’ if you’ve overreacted – to tell your child you’re sorry that you ‘lost it’ or didn’t manage things well. And – depending on your child’s age and the situation – you might brainstorm together some better ways to respond to challenging situations and feelings.
If you weren’t parented well or didn’t learn about emotions as a child, it can be hard to recognise or manage your own feelings when they come up – which can lead to feeling discouraged or guilty. Call a parent helpline for support if you’re finding it hard to cope with your own feelings or your child’s emotions or behaviours, or check out the resources at the bottom of this page for more information about understanding and supporting children’s emotions.