Families responding to racism

‘My son comes and says: “I don’t like my colour.” I tell him that it makes us really interesting. If we eat one food all the time, you get really bored of it. Variety is very important and everyone has their own beauty. I also explain that we come from places that are hot and we need a bit of sun resilience. That’s why we are brown.’

‘I feel happy they don’t think it’s shameful to speak Chinese. As a parent, it’s very important to model I’m proud of our cultural background, our language. And if some people try to put it down, whenever I feel safe, I would stand up, speak up for it. But again, we have to assess if the environment is safe enough.’

‘Whenever they raise it, ask me a question, I think it’s a good time to debrief it. If we can’t talk about it at the time, it’s always good at bedtime because it’s quiet and we can talk.’

‘They have to treat other people the way they want to be treated too. It’s not OK for other people to do these things to them, but also it’s not OK for them to do any of this to other people.’

‘I’ve got an ongoing challenge. My child came back [from staying with his father every week] and said, “You’re stupid,” repeating very nasty or racist words. I say: “When you say this, you’re hurting my feelings. Don’t repeat what other people say, use your own brain. Use your own judgement.” I try to talk to my child directly, not giving comment about other people’s behaviour. He gets poisoned. They use him as a weapon against me. I have to find the best way not to hurt my child more.’

‘My son, he got trauma with his dad, he’s really withdrawing. He doesn’t want to talk because he doesn’t feel safe. Sometimes I have to dig really deep about what actually has been happening. One time he was in tears, but he refused to tell me what happened. We have to take a couple of days. He was set up by some older white kids, they lure him into the trap and they actually hit him. It’s too late, I can’t go confront those people, so I said: “The way you have been treated is totally unacceptable. And if that ever happened again you have to tell me straight away.” I have to reinforce with my children, it’s never acceptable. I feel as a parent it’s really good or important to show them I’m very firm on my values. And if people cross the line, we have to tell them it’s not OK.’

‘If my children get bullied at school, firstly I need to tell my children, “You have to make sure you’re safe, walk away for whatever reason. But you can defend yourself if people are getting too much.” I found that’s a dramatic difference because all my white friends, they never mentioned you can defend yourself. But my point is, you can tolerate people’s behaviour. But to a point, you have your right to defend yourself – but make sure you’re safe.’
‘Sometimes we need to help our kids think about safety, and that it won’t always be safe for them to respond to racism in the moment.’

‘We can do activities together that don’t cost money or are cheaper. For example, there are lots of YouTube videos with cultural practices or traditions from our home countries. These kinds of things can help us to connect with our kids, connect with culture, and foster a sense of pride and identity without much cost or leaving the home!’
‘My son likes it when I make traditional Afghan food. He says: “Mummy, your Afghan food is really good.”’
‘Food has a big part in our culture. We eat specific foods at certain times, and there is a reason behind this. Food can help us connect with each other and connect with culture.’
‘Language, dance, clothing, food and history can all connect us to a culture. And simple things can help kids to connect – like a video chat or phone call to extended family back in our home country.’

‘Surround yourself with people who are supportive and caring. Family gathering, regular time with friends and family who really enjoy the interaction. That’s what helps me coping with things.’
‘Some people dropped a very racist letter into my letterbox. I talked to my psychologist – a white woman. Her instant response was so touching. She was actually in tears, and said: “That’s wrong, not OK.” Initially, I was just angry. But seeing her reaction, I can feel the deep connection as humans without labels of difference. Reaching out to safe people, safe community, can be really helpful.’

Some families have family routines and traditions that are spiritual or faith based. These kinds of things can be great for children’s wellbeing, while expressing identity and celebrating uniqueness.
‘We practise our languages and cultural traditions, even if we can’t always do it exactly like we would at home. For example, Eid is a festival from my country, and if I celebrate it, then my son will know this is part of our culture and uniqueness.’
‘In our New Year, we set a Haft-Sin table with seven symbols on it, they are all symbols of positive things, like health, wealth, wellness, prosperity. It helps my son with his identity as Iranian-Australian. He is building his own identity from both cultures.’

‘You can also respond to it by talking if the community is more open and when your safety is not at risk. It’s less possible when the community is not more open to criticism and when you’re in a minority group, you usually tend to silence yourself. It’s very up to individuals, communities, if this community is open-minded, inclusive, has trauma-informed practice, if you feel safe to raise questions, to put on the table … talk about it.’

‘Each family or each person has got their value, but they need to value that. They need to keep that alive. Believe in yourself. Don’t take negative comments seriously. Also sharing your story like we’re doing right now. Some people can relate, you know, some people might read this and say, “Oh, I’m not the only person.” Maybe that gives them a little bit of hope. Speak up, even if you feel like it’s not gonna help. Maybe it’s like making me feel better saying that “This is what happened to me and I’m not happy about that.” But now I think that that’s like a weapon, you know? That’s something that we can do.’

‘If anything happen, I go home where I feel safe first. People deal with things differently. I’m an introvert – if there’s nobody at home, perfect. I find a safe space and kind of regulate. And analyse what actually happened and how I can respond or who can I reach out to.’

‘My strategy, I’m an active person, running, walking, cleaning the house, sometimes when I can’t handle, scrubbing the toilet. My body needs to move to get that bad energy out. I just laugh and tell my friends that like, “If you see my house messy, that means I’m feeling good. If you see my house really clean, means I’m not OK.” I just need to run or just do something to get that out of me and then try to think clear.  And then use the best strategy for me and my child and for my loved one.’