Struggling with money and racism at the same time

‘It’s quite subtle and sometimes you don’t even know what’s causing all these symptoms. And you have to be very conscious to find it out. All those tiny things underlying that it’s causing you to always be insecure and you always think that you’re inferior in the community. And you don’t trust your ability and input and opinion in social settings, in work environment, and also in education system as well. That impacts your ability to grow emotionally and enjoy life.’
‘It crushes you, you actually question your existence totally. It’s hard to have courage and confidence [to respond].’
‘It’s quite challenging and intense to raise a child. I’m very isolated because I have no family here. And I found it really, really hard. Racism keeps you on a roller coaster of emotion. I feel most of the time, I’m totally drained. The impact is on all generations. It goes and goes. It doesn’t finish. It’s really hard to break the cycle.’

‘Racism on top of financial situation – it just take all your power. You don’t have the energy to deal with racism and you go with priority. I need food on my table for my child. I need to survive, I need to stay alive. So when you have financial problem, you don’t have power to stand against racism as well.’

‘With accessing social or mental services, in my culture we generally, we try our best to not show how terrible we actually feel. We kind of, like, sugarcoat. So, without that understanding or respect, how we actually act with our cultural background [we can be less likely to get the support we need].’

In culturally or racially mixed families there can be imbalances of power. And it can be harder if the one partner is on a temporary visa or relying on the other person for their legal stay or financial support.
‘We were homeless because of DV [domestic violence]. My ex shifted into racism because I came from overseas. I experienced racism in the Family Court. There is a stigma; the reason we become in the situation is because of our race. That’s a reason: I’m being poor because I don’t want to work because I’m a single mum … I came here just for the welfare … That is a kind of direct attack. In Family Court, my ex said, “You just come here for your citizenship.” My lawyer, judge, everyone in that room were white Australian. They didn’t have basic knowledge about my culture, religion … they assumed, didn’t share about the background.’
‘They take sides. I didn’t see justice in my case. Having people from different culture, lived experience in service provider, that would help to make a difference.’
‘I heard in many combined families … I often hear the parent who has a whiter background looked down on the other parent. One day I was on the tram. There was a Chinese mum and a white dad. And the Chinese mum was saying something about the museum and the white dad said, “Look, your mum doesn’t know anything and she can’t even speak English well.” So I felt like, “Oh my God, why do you put the child’s mother down in front of the child?” That’s a direct kind of racism. But I don’t feel safe to speak up for her because she didn’t say anything.’
‘No one else actually cares about the kids, except me. I’m looked at as crazy, controlling, “doesn’t speak English,” not smart, stay-at-home mum … We were in the Family Court and everyone’s telling us, “We are doing this for the best interest of your children.” They say they care, but they can’t care less. We are the only person actually trying to protect our children.’
‘My ex used to treat my parents terribly because my parents can’t speak English well. That made my parents feel they are second class, they don’t have similar rights.’

It’s hard to not take on messages of racism and they often impact our families in the way we see ourselves and each other.
‘I feel like my children, they have already recognised the differences. My son asked me, “How much percentage am I Australian?” I’m like, “You are a hundred per cent Australian and I’m a hundred percent Australian”, but I think what he’s trying to say is “You wasn’t born here. Your first language is not even English and you grew up in a different country. What percentage are you Australian?” Our children start to recognise or pick it up, the racism or people looking at them differently.’
‘I have a very difficult situation with ongoing racism. My child has got a racist father. He visits his father almost every week. So I have a long journey to talk to him, to explain things to him. He’s still damaged, confused. For example, I speak Persian with my child. He understand. He speaks as well. When I pick him up at school, I speak to him in Persian and he says: “Mum, don’t embarrass me, why do you speak Farsi in front of my friend?” He knows that I’m able to speak English as well. So he wants me to speak our language in a private, because that’s apparently something embarrassing for him. And I didn’t like that, but I listened to him. For me, it’s very important for him to have self-confidence because that’s something I didn’t grow up with. So I give him that power. But I explain, it’s good to know another language, you’re lucky.’