Skills for navigating services

‘I have to ensure that I’ve got time. If you are ringing Centrelink, for example, you need at least two hours just to be on hold, probably more. And I might organise some food to eat beforehand, and I try to organise something for the kids to do so I can concentrate and they are not listening to my conversation because it might stress them out.’

‘If I’m agitated I won’t make the call then, because if I’ve got any agitation I know that as soon as someone on the other end of that phone says something even remotely unhelpful I’ll just lose it and then they’ll hang up on me and then I’m back to square one.’

‘I have to remind myself that I have to stay calm ’cause otherwise I’ll just lose my s***. Also, having worked in a call centre, I’m also very mindful that they cop a lot of abuse all day. And so I try to say to myself, “Remember when you worked there and all the abuse you got? This is what they’re copping.” So I’m trying to be nice to them and explain my situation, but sometimes they’re being rude to me and I can’t sort of do anything, and I feel trapped. So that can happen as well.’

‘In the moment, I find drawing on a piece of paper helpful for venting my frustration. If I am on hold, which I find annoying, I usually distract myself by scrolling through social media or doing simple tasks to alleviate my growing agitation. Or I might restlessly fiddle with objects. Tempering my rage and stamping it down can have negative consequences as well – I tend to carry it inside and it’s not healthy. So I always try to prioritise my self-care afterwards.’

‘When we were homeless I had to think about data on my phone and charging the phone. Sometimes, either one would run out before I’d actually connected.’

‘If I had to make a call, I would try and set my kids up with an activity so they might be occupied and not overhear what I was saying. Another challenge was that we would have debt collectors call on the phone, which is obviously distressing, and so I would have planned responses ready, so it didn’t worry the kids. Something like: “Thanks for letting me know, I will be sure to get onto that.” The other thing I’d say often was that I don’t give out my personal details over the phone (they would often ask for me to verify my identity) and make it sound like they were scammers to the kids.’

‘It takes energy, but I look at the info provided on their website, and look at what’s not mentioned as well, and think about if what they offer is what we need. I also pay careful attention to the cost. And I talk to trusted people I know, find out if anyone else has tried the service and what their experience was. Then I weigh up if reaching out to this service might be worth my time and energy, or if it’s better to focus on something else. When you’re in despair, you just have such a low threshold for bad news.’

‘If possible, we found someone else to care for our kids so we didn’t need to take them with us. It wasn’t always possible though.’

‘I would take things for my child to keep him occupied. Sometimes it was things that he’s not usually allowed, like my phone or certain snacks. And I would think of ways to explain the service to him. I was ashamed that I needed to access these services, so I tried to explain what we were going to do in a way that made sense, but didn’t tell him everything.’

‘When we were getting dragged along as kids it was tricky as we got bored a lot. Because there were four of us, we were always acting out. Four of us bored together, we would start a little game and it would explode. As a child it’s really hard to recognise what’s appropriate or not. Appropriate in a playground; not appropriate in Centrelink! It was especially hard in places that weren’t dedicated to kids. There is nothing for kids to play with. Mum would bring books for us to read, they had a lot to carry.’ – Elliot, young person, looking back on their childhood, Kaurna Country

‘Bags for Foodbank!’

‘If you are going somewhere where you’ve gotta do a bit of talking and listening, taking a support person, even if that’s a friend or maybe a support worker, is useful if you can. They can help you understand what you mightn’t have been able to, or help you explain your situation better, and you get fairer treatment because there’s another level of accountability.’

‘For housing, support letters from a GP or psychologist can be helpful, as they trust professionals’ voices. And official documentation such as Centrelink statements, verification of medical conditions, legal letters, and police reports can support your case.’

‘Having a list of the things I need to get done or that I need to bring up helped. Otherwise, I might forget in the moment. And include my children’s needs on that list as well.’

‘Sometimes people don’t know what their rights are. I didn’t know what I was entitled to. Talking to other people and finding out what support I am entitled to helped.’

‘I like to keep a notebook of names, times spent with services and helpful advice.’

‘Explaining what your family’s needs are is really hard, especially if you have your kids with you, which I often did as I was poor in money, time and relationships. I found it helped to keep it focussed on the practical things our family needed. And to give examples that helped people understand what we needed. It didn’t always mean they were able to meet our needs of course.’

‘The food places in my area really only give you food for a couple of days. So if you used another food service, you have to make sure that they don’t know that you’ve already been to another place because then it’s “double dipping”. Then also – if you might get paid in two days, but you already know that the pay you’re gonna get is gonna be gone on other essentials, so it’s basically spent before you get it – but you can’t say that because if they know that you’re getting paid in two days, they won’t help you. So that’s the kind of stuff you have to navigate when thinking about what to say.’

‘Some services can have a huge impact on your life. Like child protection, caseworkers, Centrelink – if you have a slip up with those services, they can do a couple of little sentences and alter the course of your life dramatically. And you are aware of that. You’re very, very aware of that.’

‘Sometimes charities can be staffed by volunteers. They want to do good but can sometimes be really unhelpful. And some services are run by people who are just so rung out and over it. I have to kind of prepare myself to face the kind of the worker that I might be presented with.’

‘Reminding myself that the reason I’m using services in the first place is because of the unjustness of so much in society. If I can get into that kind of thinking it’s really, really helpful for me. That pushes against the shame and the blaming that I would feel.’

‘It takes courage and strength to access services. When I am going to access a service, I tell myself to breathe: “Everything will be OK; just be patient. If things don’t work out; find another way. There are always options; just take it one day at a time.” I think about all the other tough situations I have been in and survived. The struggle was always worth the fight as it has forged me into a stronger individual. And I might start planning my self-care for afterwards as well, even just a treat from the bakery.’

‘When I go into a service, I try and be aware of what my facial expression is telling them and, if they say something offensive, I’ve gotta force myself not to roll my eyes or do anything that makes them go on the defensive and makes the situation even worse.’

‘I think about how I am gonna present myself. Some services I really have to work hard at stopping assumptions. I have gotten a lot of negative assumptions that would impact the way that I accessed the services or was given the services. I am really aware of my demeanour. I try and find a way to make a joke. I try and laugh and be overly friendly.’

‘If I’m capable and in the mindset – sometimes I completely wasn’t – but if I am able, I try and completely control the situation. So I’m thinking about what I’m saying, how I’m saying it, what information I’m giving, what I’m holding back, how I need to be for this particular service.’

‘For me, being aggressive never seems the right method because they will be aggressive back and then it only goes one of two ways: you go into your shell and nothing gets done; or you fight back and nothing gets done.’

‘It took a lot of practice to be able to say to services that we were desperate for help in a way that didn’t scare the kids if they were there with me. I had to think really carefully about that each time.’

‘It’s not always possible, but I like to be in charge in a conversation. If you can be prepared; if you know what you’re talking about, you know what you’re after, you know what you want… You can be assertive without being aggressive about it.’

‘It can be useful to talk with kids about what is going to happen, what to expect, what we want to cover about their needs, and anything they don’t wish to discuss, before we get there. If I’m with the kids, knowing when to sit back and let the kids talk, but also knowing when it’s important to speak up myself. But if I do speak, I make a point of asking if it’s OK if I add something to the conversation, because it’s important to keep it focused on the children. Afterwards, I give the kids space to talk about it, without prying. And, if it’s not gone to plan – talking about what happened and listening to gut feelings. Often, if you feel something is off, it is. I guess it’s about skilling the kids to be their own advocate because when accessing services, being able to advocate for yourself can make a huge difference.’

‘If you have your children with you, asking your children to speak for themselves can help. Because then the service can understand the authenticity.’

‘Something that I didn’t do, but in hindsight it would’ve been good if I had a thought about this … a lot of the times when you’re seeing services, you’ll get paperwork. Keep it out of sight of your kids. Because my kids read some of my paperwork and it had some really distressing details in it. They couldn’t unread it.’