Child–adult relationships

Infants and children are highly dependent on, and influenced by, the adults who care for them. Disasters and related disruptions highlight this dependence: without adult protection and support children are highly vulnerable to physical and psychological harms as outlined in the Understanding how disasters influence infants and children practice paper.

These critical child–adult relationships can influence how children perceive and respond to crises. The reactions of parents and other key adults – whether calm and reassuring or anxious and distressed – serve as cues for how children should feel and act. This underscores the importance of adults managing their own responses as much as possible to provide stability for children.

However, it is also important to recognise that the adults around children may themselves be struggling to cope with the disaster’s impacts. When primary caregivers are overwhelmed, it is crucial that children (as well as their parents) have other consistent, supportive adults they can turn to. Supporting children effectively in disaster recovery requires a collective effort, with all adults working together to create a nurturing environment. By recognising that it truly ‘takes a village’, children’s needs can be met, even amid the challenges of disaster recovery.

This practice paper acknowledges that infants and children have different kinds of relationships with adults, both day-to-day and in times of disruption. During and after an emergency like a disaster, it is important that all adults in a child’s life are aware of the importance of ensuring children feel safe and cared for.

While adults hold the primary responsibility for ensuring that children feel safe and supported, it is also important to recognise the role that children’s relationships with their siblings, other young family members, friends and peers can play in their recovery. As children grow older, these connections can offer additional emotional support and a sense of normalcy, complementing the care provided by adults. However, it is crucial that the burden of care does not fall on children themselves; rather, these peer relationships should be seen as complementary to the adult-provided nurturing environment.

Why supporting children’s connections is important

In the following video (5 minutes, 52 seconds) practitioners and parents in families with lived experience discuss why it is important to support children’s relationships with the significant, trusted adults in their lives after a disaster.

Primary attachment figures

Day-to-day, the adults most closely involved in caring for an infant or young child are usually the child’s primary caregivers. During and after a disaster this child–adult relationship becomes especially important. Research shows the most protective factor for infants or children’s mental health and emotional wellbeing in times of acute or chronic stress is a secure attachment relationship – that is, a warm relationship with a nurturing adult who is consistent in the child’s life and can be depended on to notice, prioritise and meet their needs. Evidence shows that a secure attachment relationship with a caring adult is the single most common protective factor in children who develop resilience (Center on the Developing Child, n.d.).

A child who is separated from their primary attachment figures during a disaster may experience anxiety and stress in the short term and be more at risk of mental health difficulties in the long term. In an emergency the most important tasks for adults caring for children are:

• preventing or minimising separation
• enabling a sense of connection with primary caregivers when physical separation is unavoidable (e.g. by phone)
• ensuring safety and supporting the infant or child until reunification is possible.

When physical separation cannot be avoided, efforts should be made to reconnect as soon as possible to re-establish and strengthen family bonds. Their primary attachment figures will also be the most important adults in children’s recovery over time.

In the following video (5 minutes, 9 seconds) Ruth Wraith talks about the impact of disasters and traumatic events on parenting and the parent–child relationship.

Disasters can profoundly disrupt the ecology of the child, influencing not only children’s experiences but also altering family dynamics and roles. In the aftermath of a disaster, parents are likely to be focused on the practical aspects of recovery, which at times can affect their capacity and resources to connect with their children. In addition, the strain on families can exacerbate existing vulnerabilities and create new challenges, such as inadvertent neglect, anxious parenting, increased risk of family domestic violence, heightened parental mental health issues, or increased substance use. These disruptions can affect how parents interact with and support their children, impacting the overall family environment. It is important to recognise that these changes often arise from compounded stress and resource strain. Support systems should address these evolving dynamics with sensitivity and understanding, offering assistance to both parents and children. By focusing on the impacts of disaster on the child’s ecology and providing targeted support for families, you can help mitigate these risks and enhance the overall wellbeing of children and their parents during recovery.

You can learn more about supporting parents and families in the practice paper Working with parents to support children after disasters.

Other familiar adults

While a child’s primary attachment relationship is the most important, children usually have relationships with other caring adults that support their physical and emotional wellbeing, confidence and ability to cope with stress. Trusted adults in a child’s life may include grandparents and other relatives, household members and neighbours, educators and teachers, cultural and spiritual Elders and leaders, and many others. These figures may be able to support a child when they cannot be with their primary caregiver, or if the caregiver cannot provide the level of reassurance and nurture the child requires. They are also important in supporting the child’s recovery in the longer term.

Unfamiliar adults

In an emergency, various adults may be involved in keeping a child physically safe and providing for their survival needs (such as food, water, shelter and medical care). Some of these adults may be only vaguely familiar to the child and some may be strangers. In a disaster context it’s important for all adults present to understand, and have strategies for responding to, children’s needs for safety, connection, calm, self-agency, collective agency and hope.

Key practices

It is common for infants and children to experience increased separation anxiety after a disaster and want to be with their parent/s all the time. Likewise, it is common for parents to feel reluctant to be separated from their children. However, in day-to-day life there are times when infants and children need to be cared for by other adults, such as relatives, child carers or educators.

The following practices can help infants and children feel safe in the care of adults other than their primary caregivers:

Managing transitions

When parents approach separations and reunions with a supportive and understanding attitude, it can help reassure the child. It is important for parents to acknowledge and validate their child’s emotions during these transitions. For frequent transitions, such as home to early childhood education and care or school, maintaining consistent steps can be comforting. For example: packing the child’s bag, going in the car, greeting a specific educator, helping the child settle into an activity, saying goodbye and leaving.

Strategies for parents

It is beneficial for parents to manage their own emotions, especially after a disaster, to avoid inadvertently increasing the child’s anxiety or distress. By finding strategies to manage their own feelings and maintaining a steady presence, parents can better support their child’s emotional adjustment and provide reassurance.

Giving children agency

Encouraging a child to choose their clothes, help pack their bag, or decide whether to walk to the car or be carried gives them a sense of control that can make the separation easier.

Building children’s connections with the other caring adults

Talking about the child’s educators, grandparents or other caring adults at home (including looking at photos together of the other adults) can help reassure the child that their parents trust the other adults. Encourage parents to support the efforts of the other caring adults to get to know the child, build trust and be known by them.

Bridging the gap between care settings

Apps used by early learning services to share posts with families can support the sense of continued connection once children are old enough to understand that their educators are sharing this information with their parents. Taking home their artwork, objects they have collected or photos taken at their early learning service can help bridge the gap, as can taking objects from home to the other setting (e.g. for ‘show and tell’). For children attending school, visiting the school together outside of school hours allows for safe ‘acclimatisation’ with parents while exploring the school setting and psychologically preparing for the school day. Meeting with friends before heading back to school or to a new school setting can help bridge the transition too.

Gradually increasing time away

For some children who are finding the transition challenging, gradually increasing attendance hours in the day or days in the week can be helpful.

Caring for pets

If a child is being left in their own home in the care of someone else, parents can encourage them to ‘help look after’ the family pet or the caregiver’s pet while they are away. Pets can be a good distraction and comfort at the moment of separation.

Providing comfort objects

Young children often become attached to a comfort blanket, toy or possession like a water bottle. Being able to take this object between settings, such as from home to early childhood education and care, can be comforting. School-aged children also benefit from having something that they can safely take with them that provides a sense of comfort. This could be a Lego piece, a fidget toy or a special key ring, or wearing a perfume that is the signature scent of a parent. It is common for children to regress after a stressful experience. They may become re-attached to ‘blankies’, special toys or dummies that they had given up previously.

Reading books about separation

Encourage parents to read a storybook with the child to reinforce the parent–child connection, even when apart. The Invisible String by Patrice Karst is a good example.

Maintaining rituals

Having hello and goodbye rituals, with kisses and hugs and the same phrases (e.g. ‘Bye darling, Mummy loves you, I’ll see you in a little while’) can provide a sense of familiarity and predictability that children find comforting. Some parents draw a heart on the child’s hand and one on their own, and talk about the invisible string connecting child and parent while they are apart. Two cut-out cardboard hearts may be used in the same way (maybe involve the child in decorating these). For longer separations, some parents give the child something of their own (e.g. a bracelet or necklace) to ‘take care of’ and give back when parent and child are reunited.

Understanding parents’ activities

It can be beneficial for children to know where their parents are and what they are doing during separations. Parents might show photos of their workplace or daily activities, create a book about their day or explain their routines. For younger children, visiting the parent’s workplace or having detailed discussions about the parent’s day at home can help provide context and reassurance.

Practice scenarios

Practice scenario 1: Elli’s story

Elli, aged four years, was at home with her parents when her street flooded. Elli’s family had to evacuate in a hurry, and her father carried her through the floodwaters to safety. The water receded quickly and Elli’s parents faced the task of cleaning up, trying to salvage muddy possessions, dealing with insurance and the possibility of grant assistance while beginning the process of rebuilding. Not wanting Elli to be exposed to the daily sights and emotions of this immediate clean-up phase, and needing their energy and brain-space for the practical tasks at hand, they sent Elli to stay for a week with her maternal aunt in another town.

When Elli was reunited with her parents, her behaviour was uncharacteristically moody and negative, with outbursts of anger and refusal to follow instructions. She swung between clinging to her parents then using rude words and rejecting them through her body language. She was unusually physically active, running around in an unfocused way, and seemed unable to concentrate on calm, quiet activities. She resisted bedtime and sometimes woke upset from bad dreams in the night.

With the help of a therapist, the family came to understand that what Elli needed immediately after the floods was closeness with and reassurance from her parents. She had felt frightened and hurt at being sent away from them to stay with a relative she didn’t know well, and some of her feelings were now manifesting as anger.

While Elli’s parents felt it was impractical to keep her with them, in hindsight they would have liked more strategies to maintain her sense of connection with them. Some possible strategies would have been difficult given the flooding (e.g. The Invisible String would have been a useful book to read with Elli, but the local library was flooded and they did not have internet access to an e-book or recording). Elli’s mother rang her every day but the calls were short, and lack of internet access prevented video chats. Elli’s aunt did try to build her relationship with Elli by showing her photos and telling stories about growing up with Elli’s mother.

With help to process her experience of the evacuation and the separation, plus extra reassurance and cuddles, the disruption to Elli’s relationship with her parents settled over time and her usual personality reasserted itself.

Practice scenario 2: Early learning centre evacuation

A group of young children were at their early learning centre when their town was unexpectedly threatened by a bushfire. With their educators, the children evacuated by bus to a safe location. Emergency services requested that parents not try to pick up their children, as this would have increased the number of vehicles on the road and the risk that parents might be endangered by the fires. Text messages were getting through, so the early learning centre director sent a group text to the parents. The director informed them that the children were safe with their educators and encouraged them to access information from the local council online dashboard to manage their own safety.

Some children in the group were crying and frightened. To calm them, their educator called the class together on the mat and clapped a familiar rhythm to get their attention. The children copied the clapping rhythm and settled to listen to what their educator was about to say. Speaking with a quiet and calm voice, the educator reassured them that the fires were a distance away, the firefighters were doing their best to stop the fire, and they were safe here. She acknowledged that it was OK to feel a bit scared and mentioned that for some it might even be exciting to see the fire trucks racing past and know that they were fighting the fire.

The educator then asked the children to sit with someone who was upset and help them calm down by taking slow, calm breaths. The group practised breathing in through their noses for a count of four, holding for four, then breathing out for four, and holding again for four in a cycle. The class had played this calming game before. The educator had also previously let them practice blowing long streams of bubbles or blowing up balloons, which they then used to play inside volleyball. These familiar activities helped the children feel more at ease.

To maintain a sense of connection between parents and children, the educators encouraged the children to make greeting cards for their parents, drawing pictures of what they were seeing and hearing in a safe location. This activity, along with the reassurance from familiar adults, helped the children feel cared for during the emergency.

In addition to these practices, the centre director ensured that accurate records were kept of each child’s status and the times when children might be collected from the evacuation site. The director also alerted higher authorities about the situation, including the potential need for psychological support for students, staff and parents following the incident. This proactive step was crucial given the historical connections the early learning centre and the local community had with the 2019–20 bushfires and other recent critical incidents, to ensure appropriate support and follow-up.

Practice scenario 3: The Harris family

The Harris family – parents Laura and David, their six-year-old son Liam, eight-year-old daughter Mia and baby Noah – were displaced from their home due to a severe storm that caused significant flooding. They were temporarily accommodated in a small caravan provided by emergency services. While the caravan ensured their immediate safety, the confined space and disruption of their routine placed additional stress on the family.

As they adjusted to their new living conditions, Laura and David faced the challenge of supporting their children emotionally while managing their own stress. Liam and Mia both exhibited signs of distress: Liam became withdrawn and Mia struggled with anxiety and sleep disturbances. The unfamiliar environment and the constant noise unsettled baby Noah.

Laura and David sought guidance from a counsellor, who emphasised the importance of maintaining family connections and communication during such stressful times. The counsellor advised them to focus on spending quality time together and maintaining open, reassuring communication with their children. Laura and David created a comforting routine within the caravan, setting aside time each day to talk with Liam and Mia about their feelings and provide reassurance. They drew pictures of their old house and garden and involved the children in planning their rebuild in an age-appropriate way. They used simple language to explain the situation and reassure their children that the storm was over and they were safe.

To help baby Noah adjust, Laura and David incorporated calming activities into his daily routine. They used soothing lullabies and gentle rocking to help him settle, and created a small, cosy sleep area in the caravan with familiar items like his favourite blanket. They also followed a consistent bedtime routine to help all the kids feel secure and establish a sense of normalcy despite the temporary living conditions.

Laura and David also made sure to take short breaks when possible. They used support from local services for short respite periods, allowing each parent time to relax and recharge. This approach helped them stay more emotionally available and engaged with their children.

More strategies

Now you have finished reading this resource you can:

• Read the other Strategies for supporting infant and child mental health after disasters resources:
  • Emotional regulation
  • Communication and meaning-making
  • Play and creative expression
  • Routines and predictability
  • Support networks
• Return to Practices for supporting infant and child mental health after disasters
• Check out Supporting infants and children in disasters: A practice guide
• Visit the Community Trauma Toolkit.