‘Reconnecting with each other is often about hanging in there when it’s tough. Taking small steps to find moments of calm, even just pausing and taking some deep breaths. Maybe encouraging others to do the same, and then coming back together in a really safe non-threatening way. Often not talking about it initially is best, just doing something together or even just alongside each other in the same room. And then later on, in a calm moment, you might work out what each person needs when they are upset, and agreeing to stick to what they need even if it is different to what you need. It can also be useful to make agreements that in the hard moments no one makes big statements like: “I am going to leave.”
‘It’s a challenge to reconnect. It can be hard and painful. It can also be rewarding and healing and happy. The big part is sometimes you need help from others to reconnect with your children. It’s not always something that can be done alone. Pulling in your supports that you look up to with their way of thinking. I went to someone who I like their morals and values. She doesn’t do it for me, but helps guide me.
‘If I think of ways of reconnecting: my communication style is always changing. I’ve changed from parenting by telling her what to do, to hearing what she is saying and not shaming her by telling her what she should and shouldn’t do. Also being able to share my knowledge from what I have learned from my own experiences and my own ingrained behaviours, good or bad, and helping her navigate similar experiences by sharing these types of things with her.
‘Another big thing is living my life in a way that I want to set an example for my children. I am leading by example and that leads to connection and my kids being proud. It’s unspoken communication. Not everything has to be spoken.’